When I ran my first half marathon there were many points along the way I didn't think I could do it. Truth be told, I never thought I would actually run a half marathon. I'm not really in the best of shape and I only really started running like two years ago. I did a 5k once but 13.1 miles seemed out of reach. I signed up on a whim but in reality I was not sure if I was cut out to do this.
Since I had already committed to this crazy thing, I decided to run with the organization American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I chose this organization because I had a friend commit suicide a few years prior and I myself struggled with anxiety and depression. I knew that it was important to run along people who too felt the grief, felt the depression, and wanted to do something about it.
This brings me to Day 2 of 30 Days of Gratitude. Those who are with me. Those who have been alongside me during times of grief, during times of depression, during times of pain.My half marathon was a good picture of this. I had friends who were supportive during the training. Friends who came to see me in the race. Friends who texted me encouragement the morning of. There were people along the route I didn't know encouraging me - other runners, volunteers and spectators. I didn't fully know how vital having a support time was to finishing strong.
While it started off well, I definitely wanted to give up at mile 10. My kneed starting hurting at mile 8 and I was tired, a bit dehydrated, and just ready to finish. But with 3 miles still to go it seemed like a giant hurdle I wasn't going to be able to overcome. I was in pain - both emotionally and physically and I just wanted it to all go away.
Even though I wanted to give up, I still ran/walked/jogged/crawled on. Other runners can see when you're in pain and they cheer you on. We are all in this crap hole together and we will all finish together. Running may feel like a solitary sport a times, but during a race, you are surrounded by people who want you to finish just as much as they want to to finish. I sat down at one point to adjust my shoe when a woman runs past me - "You can do this! Don't give up!" Others would run behind me, see my AFSP jersey and say (where it says running in memory of Rachelle) "Rachelle would be proud of you. Keep it up."
Both in half marathon running and struggling with depression, "Keep going, you can do this" seemed to be the chant of encouragement. Many days I didn't feel like I could. Some days are great - they feel like mile 2 and the running is simple, easy. You're actually impressed you made it this far. Some days feel like mile 7 when there seems to be so much longer still to go and the end is so far but you have a sprinkle of hope still left. Some days it feels like mile 10, where all you can feel is pain and it may feel easier to sit on the side of the road, take off our shoes, and give up. But someone comes alongside side you and says "Keep going! You can do this!"
But in the midst of all of it - al the pain and frustration, what I've always had is people to cheer with me. Friends who sent encouraging texts or woke up at 4am to cheer me on. Whether it was a half marathon or just life itself, I am grateful for the friends who have just been with me and along side me, during it all.
My encouragement to you - whether it be running or dealing with depression, that you can keep going, you can do this. People are there for you even when it doesn't feel like it. You have people who will wake up at 4am to cheer you on when you run a really hard race. You have friends who text encouraging pictures. You have friends who get you cookies when days are tough or who will sit on the porch with you and hold your hand while you cry at the one movie that brought up a lot of past emotional pain. There are times when you want to give up, but you don't have to. You may need to slow down but walking isn't giving up, it's moving forward. I am grateful for those who have been with me and those who have invited me to be with them in the midst of it all.
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