Embracing My Introvert

I am becoming an introvert.

This was a shock for me when my therapist suggested that I might be an introvert. Excuse me? No, that is not possible. You must have misheard what I have been saying because there is in no way that I'm an introvert. I'm an extrovert, I have always been an extrovert, and I will always be an extrovert.

I've been mulling over this for the past week and I'm starting to realize that she might actually be right.

My freshmen year of college I took the Myers Briggs test (since Myers Brigs is highly valued in InterVarsity culture) and it assigned me as an "ENFJ." I embraced the identity whole heartedly. ENFJ's are charismatic and passionate people.They care deeply for those around and are not afraid to show it. They want to challenge people to be the best they possibly can be. This is who I was in college. I was outgoing and extroverted. I was sensitive to the world around me and the needs of others but never afraid to speak up about what or who I cared about. People gave me the greatest sense of joy and accomplishment and energy and I thirsted to be around them constantly. And ounce of alone time seemed to exhaust me. I loved being with people, investing in people, feeling with people, and all things related to people. I was loud and obnoxious at times but my heart was in building relationships. I ascribed very much to the identity of the ENFJ.

But as the years wore on - after I graduated and entered into teaching and then InterVarsity staff a change began. There was a shift I didn't notice. I still operated out of this identity of being an ENFJ, I still operated out of the mindset of being an extrovert. But larger groups tended to wear me out. I needed longer and longer to recover from conferences, from large group meetings, etc. I would look forward to retreating to my apartment and spending time reading, journaling, or calling one friend on the phone. I enjoyed the moments of space from the pressure that came with being surrounded by others. I became less outspoken, keeping more of my deep thoughts to myself and spending more time letting things stew in my heart and mind before processing them out loud. I assumed this shift was coming just out of overwork. I assumed that I was more tired because I was working harder, giving more of myself to students, and I was increasing in age between myself and the young college freshmen. Still hyper-relational and craving the company of others (or so I thought), I just assumed I was tiring out and needed a really long nap.

But I wasn't tiring out, the needs of my soul were actually being ignored. Since I operated out of being an extrovert, I attempted to find rest in being with all the people and I wasn't aware of how tired that was making me. I wasn't fully aware that I felt more rested after reading, after spending time with one on one with close friends, after walking or running, or after just being by myself. I still operated out of a former identity and was so unaware of the shift that I was actually neglecting part of my soul that need to be met.

It wasn't until my housing situation changed that I came face to face with my shift into introversion. My smallish apartment went from a two person household to a four person household in the matter of a week. Suddenly my space was cut off and my ability to recharge was shifted. I no longer had a safe haven of alone time in my room. I was in constant community, with roommates constantly home and around and I felt on display all the time. I became moody and frustrated, unable to put my finger on why.

I love people, I thought to myself. I'm extroverted. I wanted more community of people. Why is this bothering me so much? I crave relationships and people so why do I feel so on edge all the time? What is going on here? 

I had shifted into being introverted, shifted into an INFJ without fully realizing when or how it had happened. Only until something I needed was suddenly gone (my own personal space and ability to get it easily) did I realize I needed it in the first place. My roommates were actually surprised that I was surprised I was becoming an introvert with one saying, "You didn't know you were introverted?"

No I didn't know I was an introvert. The change had come so slowly that I turned around and realized I needed things like space and alone time. I had been so on the edge to my roommates (and God knows who else) because in part I had lost easy access to personal space but also in part I was denying I needed that kind of space in the first place. I was spending so much energy denying my shift into introversion that I was exhausting myself trying to be someone that I used to be. I was trying to force myself to find rest in people and it just wasn't working anymore.

Also I was afraid of becoming an introvert. I was afraid to admit that I was introverted because what if that meant people pulled away from me? What if that meant that the relationships I valued so much, shifted. What if people would try to force alone time on me? What if they stopped inviting me to things? What if they stopped including me because they assumed I didn't like people or didn't want to be around people?

Here in lies my two great needs that appeared to be in constant tension with each other: the need to be known and the need to have space. I still want to know others and be known others by creating meaningful and deep relationships. I still want to be involved and included because I get insecure sometimes. I was afraid to embrace being introverted because I was in part insecure that people would leave. But I also needed space to recharge, to think through my overwhelming messy web of emotions before I processed them out loud (trust me this is the toned down version - I sometimes feel if I share things unfiltered they sound like a crazy messy). Was it possible to have both? Was it possible to advocate for both needs of my soul? But my need to be known seemed to be more important and I didn't want to risk that one not being met unknowingly for a while, I shut down being an introvert and I believe it did some damage to my soul, even damage to some relationships.

For while I crave being known by others, it's hard to do that when I feel on edge all the time. It's hard to do my job well in investing in students when I've given no space for the needs of my soul to recharge and to regroup. It's hard for others to feel they can be around me when I'm moody or grouchy or frustrated because I haven't had space for myself and my emotions in too long. I needed both. I needed to feel invited and included but I also needed to say no sometimes and recharge myself. To filter through the emotions of myself (and of others) that naturally I hold onto. To rest in books, movies, and even just in bed.

So here I am now trying to live in that balance of needs - the need to be known and the need to have space. Yes I still want to be invited to things. I want to be invited to parties, to hang out with people, and especially to have one on one time with friends. That's what I love. I remember that part of my soul that loves to be around people. But I also need to respect my need for space and say no when I need to. I also need to stop denying this part of myself that is forming in this season. That is part of good soul care. To embrace the change and roll with it instead of denying it. Yes, I'm still loud and sometimes obnoxious, I still love being around people, I can function in a large crowd. I'm seeing that these characteristics are not limited to just being an extrovert.

It feels weird to open myself up to my introverted nature but it also feels like a release. I had placed too much pressure on myself to be someone that I thought I was that I had unintentionally denied myself of who I was becoming. In this season I am becoming an introvert and the healthiest thing for me is to let it happen.

Being Single Sucks Sometimes

I'm sure this blog post title comes up in every Christian woman's mind if she is still single past the age of 25. And probably even more year after she turns 30.

The month of July was a month to wrestle with how do I really feel about my singleness. This is a topic that I often tend to talk about in hushed tones because it feels like people don't want to hear the single lady complain about well being single. There are well written (and lot more poorly written) things about how to be a good Christian single lady.

But honestly it sucks sometimes.

It sucks that I've been on 2 real dates and had no boyfriends. It sucks even more as I watch my students, who are younger than me, surpass me on this all the time (it was even worse when I taught middle school and watched junior high relationship drama unfold in the middle of the classroom).

It sucks to sometimes feel crappy at friends weddings when I really just want to dance and party and celebrate but I can't always escape that nagging feeling of - what if this never happens to me.

It sucks to be home on Friday nights feeling sad about myself because I'm not getting asked out, when I know in my brain that my worth is not determined how many dates I get.

It sucks that singleness can be such a focus of my worth, when I know I have so much more about me than my relationship status.

It doesn't suck all the time. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's awesome to be at weddings and dance all the time and be a little flirty. Sometimes it's awesome to be home on a Friday night in your PJ's watching tv or reading a book, sometimes its great to not have had a boyfriend yet because that means no ex-boyfriends and a significant lack of relationship drama in my own life.

But yeah, being single after the age of 25 and watching your friends get married and have babies can not always be the most fun. It's not always about making it "better" but admitting it's hard. I'm not going to write today about why being single is great - I'm just acknowledging that it isn't easy. And if you are in this boat with me, then lets hang out. Maybe we'll complain about how it's hard, maybe we'll rejoice in how its great, and maybe we'll write a book to help other single ladies deal with the frustration and joy.

Storms

For the past three years I have battled off and on with depression and anxiety. I don't talk about this much but this week has affirmed that not talking about it, is only more harmful.

It started after college, when I got my first "real" job as a middle school teacher in San Bernardino. I lasted only six month there because it was full of classroom management problems, kids fighting and cursing in the middle of class, and a principal who was anything but supportive. I dreaded going to work every day. I cried in my principal's office and I was told I was failure. I became sick, depressed, and anxious. I was living in what felt like hell to me. I quit the job because of what it was doing to my physical, emotional, and mental health.

I don't talk about that experience much, because I'm filled with shame about it all. I feel the shame of not being able to handle my first job out of college, filled with shame for failing, filled with shame for quitting.

So I went to counseling, I found a great new job, moved to a new city, and rented new apartment. Working with InterVarsity allowed me to have supervisors who cared for my soul and my leadership development. I got to work with students who chose to be there every day. I didn't dread going into work anymore. I thought that the storm had passed. I could sleep again, I could eat again. I felt like a normal human being.

Still in the midst of all the healing, the storms of depression and anxiety would creep up on me during the years following. I remember one time when I was preparing to teach for our Spring Conference, I got so nervous about being in a classroom like setting again, that I almost threw up the week before we left. I had nightmares and fears about the students talking the whole time I was trying to teach, not listening to me or each other, even throwing things in class. And even know I knew none of those would actually happen, I couldn't stop myself from believing all the lies about how my grown, adult, college students would behave.

Even though I am now three years removed from this San Bernardino teaching experience, I still feel the effects of the anxiety and depression. I still have days when I feel the deep emotions that come with anxiety and depression. When a wave of anxiety crashes over me, it makes even the most mundane decision like what to have for lunch paralyzing. My heart races, my palms sweat, and it feels like a reel of every stupid decision I've made in the past is looping through my head. Then several hours later, peace comes and my heart slows down to normal and its gone. When the clouds of depression press upon me I feel apathetic and sometimes hopeless. I only want to stay in bed and sleep. The cloud weighs down on me and I want to wrap myself inside; to hide from everything and everyone. And then several hours later, the fog has lifted and its gone.

Most days are good. Most months are good. As time has gone on, the amount of depression and anxiety I've felt has been so much less compared to those months back when I was teaching. But some are not. Some days it feels too overwhelming just to even get out of bed. Sometimes I find it hard to pray because I doubt whether God could hear me in this mess I'm in. I wonder why God would allow this kind of emotional storm to happen in the first place. I doubt God's goodness, because surely a good God wouldn't allow people to face things like depression and anxiety.

In the midst of this emotional storm, I'm reminded of when the disciples where Jesus and disciples are stuck in a physical storm. They are out on the sea and a massive storm comes upon them. Waves crashing down on their boat, water everywhere, so strong, so overwhelming. Filled with panic and fear, they rush down to where they last saw Jesus, only to find him asleep. Voices shaking they exclaim: "Teacher! Do you not care if we drown?! Do you not care if we perish!?" Just when they feel as if Jesus has abandoned them, he calms the storms. The rain ceases, the waves calm down, and the boat comes to a still.

Depression and anxiety feels much like this storm. It comes out of nowhere and feels so overwhelming that it is almost paralyzing. That's what the past few days have been for me. A storm of depression and anxiety and it appears as if Jesus is nowhere to be found. The emotional storm carries on outside but where is Jesus? Does he not care that if I drown?

In the midst of all the emotional storms, the depression, the anxiety, I have to remind myself that Jesus does in fact care. In Deuteronomy God affirms that, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; not be discouraged." I don't know why the emotional storms of depression and anxiety still come even three years later. I do not know if they will ever go away. But what I do know is that Jesus has not abandoned me to drown in this. I do know that Jesus promises to bring me to the other side. And even though it may feel like Jesus is asleep, I know that he will come and calm the storm.

Dear Class of 2015

Graduations can come with mixed emotions. For someone in a job like mine or anyone who has a job working with students, it can feel difficult to watch students leave year after year while I stay put. But I'm reminded that graduations come with hope and promise, leaping into a new phase of life and transition into new places God is calling them.

So in the wake of graduation season, I have 5 pieces of advice for the class of 2015 (from the class of 2010).

1) You're entering another season of firsts 
Something I did a lot when I graduated was thought about every "last" I was going to have. The last time I attended class, the last Large Group, the last small group, the last time I'd visit Nautical Bean, etc. I was scared of "ending" but was missing how I was stepping into a new "beginning". Every transition has both its lasts and its first. Remember the first college class? Or the first paper you wrote? Or your first roommate that wasn't a family member? What comes with graduating doesn't have to be a series of lasts but a new season of firsts. This is exciting and scary but it's joyful to enter into a season where new things are happening. There are new jobs and new cars and new apartments and new friends and new cities. But this is the season where you'll experience holding your newborn for the first time or first becoming a member of a church or first getting that promotion at work. As you enter into this season, enjoy all the new things you'll get to do and looking back at college will be like remembering all the firsts you had then (rather than your lasts).

2) College friends change but that's not a bad thing
This was the scariest thing for me. It was difficult to reconcile everyone "leaving" each other to do new things. No longer would I live five minutes from my friends who I could call last minute to hang out. Our relationships post-college look different than they do during, but that's not always a bad thing. Some friends you'll grow closer to after you graduate, some friends will go in and out of your life but they feel like they are always there. However things will look during this time, remember that your friends from college have had an influence on your life. That's something to celebrate. And this is where you can be so grateful for technology - Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, FaceTime, texting, and the like to keep in touch with people who don't live down the hall from you any more. Plus you get to talk about things other than papers and homework. Grown up stuff like what you want to watch on Netflix after work!

3) This is the season you'll grow a ton
Transition can feel hard and scary. Transition can feel exciting and new! Whether going to grad school or the working world (or the unknown), you'll take on a lot more responsibility. Showing up late to class is a whole lot different than showing up late to work. But with this increased responsibility, there is a greater chance to grow. I used to think that all my "growing up" was done in college, but actually it was just a preparation for the intense amount of growth that has happened in this post college season. I learned much more about myself, about Jesus, and about community in this season.

4) Making new friends is hard 
I have a whole blog post dedicated to this but the short version is: it's kind of awkward to do. It takes a lot longer than it seemed to in college and that is ok. You'll make new friends. It will happen. As much as we want to live life like How I Met Your Mother or Friends it probably won't happen. But if you do live a above a coffee shop or a bar - I'm so coming to live with you.

5) It's ok if you don't have it all figured out 
It's easy to want to have your live nicely figured out when you graduate. But you may not know what you want to do. It make take a couple of jobs to figure it out. You may not be ready to do what you are called to do yet. It may take a couple of moves to find out where you want to live. This is the time to explore! Instead of stressing out about not having figured out your life, this is literally the time to doing the figuring it out. Submit yourself to Jesus and see where he will lead you. Just focus on one step at a time. Take risks, explore new places (even if you live in the same town, go to that new coffee shop or cupcake place), read books, blog, serve others, write, take photos - do things that bring you joy. This is the time to figure out what you are passionate about and how to let Jesus use that passion for his kingdom.

Who Am I: Part 2a (White Privilege: The College Years)

About a month ago, I sat down to write some personal reflections about race and reconciliation. I expected it to be an easy flowing process, but as it turns out I have more fear in sharing about tough topics than I thought. It was also difficult to take almost 9 years of processing about white privilege and white identity and filter than into a readable blog post.

As I looked through old reflections and journals, I found a reflection from a Sociology class I wrote during my sophomore year at Cal Poly, and I feel this sums up some of my experiences of interacting with white privilege as a young college student. Some background:  We did an activity called the Race Race - where our class was asked a series of questions about our lives (if our parents went to college, if we were raised by single parents, if we saw our gender or race represented in the media, etc.) that either allowed us to step forward or step backwards.

Here were my thoughts as a 20 year old college student from that activity and about white privilege as a whole: 

"In the privilege exercise we can see developing patterns of who has what. Many of us with privilege are born into it, not to say we don’t work hard to keep our status, but we were given opportunities to keep ourselves there. Many of us (not all) are white. Many of them at the very front (not all) are men. And some of us as we walk back to the classroom feel a sudden surge of guilt in the pit of our stomachs as we turn around to see some of friends and classmates far behind us. So why is this? The question we are asked is why do we feel guilty for our advantages? 

A lot of this white privilege comes from the communities we live in. Our own history has even widened the gap of available resources to white communities and those living in largely minority or people of color communities. Take for instance The Federal Housing Act of 1934, it had the possibility to bridge the racial gap that had been in existence since the formation of our nation. Millions of citizens were within reach of owning their own home by placing the credit of the federal government behind private lending to home buyers. However the overtly racist categories in the FHA’s “confidential” city surveys and appraisers’ manuals lead to the money being placed in the hands of white homeowners and stripped from communities of color.

And now look at the No Child Left Behind program. Instead of giving money into the schools that truly need it, they allow students to attend the schools that are performing better. Instead of providing opportunities for all in concentrates those in poverty so they all live in the same neighborhood, attend the same schools, and receive less opportunities. Not to say they can’t get to the same place as those wealthier than they, but it is inherently more difficult. It’s no wonder those of us who come from privilege homes feel guilty at times because we can see than there was a lot we did not do to receive that status. Of course we worked hard, just like anyone. But so did they, in fact, those who come from impoverished communities may have worked harder. 

I like how Booker T. Washington put it in his book Up From Slavery: “I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed... But out of the hard and unusual struggle through which he is compelled to pass, he gets a strength, a confidence, that one misses whose pathway is comparatively smooth by reason of birth and race.” Personally, I’ve received many blessings and opportunities from the life my parents wanted me to have. Here I sit, in a prestigious school earning something only 1 percent of the world can get: a college degree. I need not feel guilty of what I have been given and perhaps I am actually missing out on something when I don’t have to struggle as much to succeed.

But that doesn’t give me the excuse to ignore the needs of those below them. In fact, in order to break this cycle of institutional racism and oppression, it must start from the top. And that is where I think we who have privilege often fail, is we focus so much on personal success that we don’t give thought to our brothers and sisters below us, fighting to survive. And that is maybe why I feel guilty, because I haven’t done my part to help.

One of the big questions I wrestled with as a young college student (and even still to this day) was what to do with my already given privilege and how to feel about having it. It is one of the biggest questions I still often have to wrestle with to this day - especially as I engage with what it means to be both white and middle eastern but someone who looks white - I still "get" all the privilege that comes with being white in America. And it's easy to deny having it (or that white privilege exists) or to feel overwhelming guilty about it.

Neither is truly helpful, neither is truly beneficial. We don't determine our privilege when we are born but we can chose what we do with it. Learning how to engage with this is a circular process. Some days I chose well - I listen to others, I find great ways to steward my privilege, and I stay engaged with the struggles of my friends and neighbors. Some days I chose poorly and I check out, I speak too much (or not enough), and I live in fear or shame. Next week (or maybe month), I'll reflect on how to live out a life of stewarding white privilege well.

Note - for those not having interacted with the term "white privilege" before, I encourage you to read the articles listed below. They give a great description of what this looks like, how this influences our society, and even what to do with it: 

• White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Backpack 
• 5 Stages of White Privilege Awareness
• This is White Privilege 
• Race: the Power of an Illusion 

Ink'd Again

Over Christmas I decided to get my second tattoo. I already received one that was I was thrilled with and they aren't lying when they say it becomes addicting.

This one is a finch who represents Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. (It's placed on my left shoulder). TKAMB is one of my all time favorite books because of its power in storytelling and its relevance even today. Atticus Finch to me is a literary hero who stands up for justice and what is right no matter the cost and no matter if knows he's going to lose. He reminds me we too must often do just that.

"Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It's knowing you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." 

This serves as a reminder to me that courage not giving up, that standing up for justice is always important, even when we do lose. After all, Jesus stood against injustice and his accusers murdered him on a cross.

And this reminder hurt significantly more than the first one that's for sure.

Faith

My mom was the one who told me about having a word for the year. Last year for her, it was joy. This year it's make every square count (yes, she had 4 words, but she's my mother, she can do that). 

I've thought about what word I wanted for 2015. I was an English major in school words are very important to me. Words have power and meaning and strength. It couldn't just be any word. But as I wracked my brain for the best word I could think of, one came in a whisper. 

Faith. 

Not cheesy, Hallmark greeting card kind of faith. I'm talking about Hebrews 11 kind of faith. "Now Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." 

Faith, pardon my language, is badass. As I look throughout scripture and throughout history, I see how those with strong faith are some of the toughest people. Abraham had faith God would provide a sacrifice and is about to kill his own son, with complete assurance of what he does not see. David had faith that God was good even as he running from a madman trying to kill him. The bleeding woman had faith that just the smallest touch of Jesus garment would heal her. 

This is the kind of faith I want for 2015. Confidence in what I hope for and assurance of what I do not see. I want the kind of faith that is strong, rooted, and deep. The kind that keeps me assured of who God is, and who I am created to be. Instead of being rooted in insecurity and lies - having faith. As everything seems to shift in my life as I live the wonkiness of being in my mid/late 20's, I want faith to accompany me as I take this journey.

Oh and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious came as a close second. 

Twenty Fourteen

2014 was a good year. It had a lot of joys, a lot of new experiences, a lot of growth, some pain and fears - as do most years. But overall this year felt like a stepping into myself, more of who I am and growing into the person I love being. 

So here are 14 highlights from the past year. 

1. Full Time Staff and Fundraising 

After some very difficult seasons, I felt a sense of joy to step into full time ministry. With that came fundraising. Fundraising was a great way to teach me about story-teling, dependence on Jesus, and humility. 

2. Maintaining and Making Friends 

Making friends outside of college is just hard. This year I've had a lot of new friendships occur, many mature and grow, and taking risks as some prepare to move away. But the friendships I've maintained over this year have been so sustaining to me this year. 

3. Pentatonix Concert 

They are just awesome. It was amazing. There was screaming and shouting and singing. Best mini road trip of the year.

4. Getting a Tattoo

I actually got 2 tattoos this calendar year. It feel surreal sometimes but both carry extremely special and important meaning to me. This is the story of the first one. The second one's story is coming soon. 

5. Supporting Sean and Jenel in the LA Marathon 

In March two of my students ran the LA Marathon. I was so proud of both of them for their perseverance, their training, and their fearlessness. They both inspired me to sign up for a half marathon in May of 2015. Also I got to randomly volunteer hand out water to runners! 

6. How I Met Your Mother Series Finale 

I had watched the show starting in season three. I followed the gang from New York for years. It was both exciting and sad to see the series finally come to a close. But I did finally get to meet the mother and that was legendary. 

7. Teaching Mark I at Catalina

I love teaching manuscript study. And preparing to teach the gospel of Mark was amazing. The text came alive for me again as I saw Jesus' compassion and power throughout the pages. 

8. Orientnation for New Staff (ONS) 

This was one of the best conferences I've been to with InterVarsity. I made lasting friendships, had an amazing breakthrough about my multi-ethnicity, and became reaffirmed in my calling to ministry. Table 9! Yeaaah! 

9. Visiting Nashville

Every year my best friend and I take a vacation. This year we broke our Portland/Seattle tradition to visit somewhere new. Here I grew to love country music, bought a pair of boots, and ate a ton of BBQ. 

10. Hiking to Glen Aulin 

We've talked about it for years and our family finally made this happen. It was a beautiful hike to see parts of Yosemite I had never seen before. I grew up camping here and I loved seeing a new things. 

11. Developing InterVarsity Leaders

This has been the year to develop new leaders in IV. We took on apprentices, taught leaders about intercession and prayer, took risks together. One of the most challenging and fulfilling seasons of ministry so far. 

12. Intercession and Prayer 

Thanks to Molly Ramos, I've learned a lot about intercession and prayer. I'm not an expert at it but I'm growing to see a deep need in my life to commit to interceding and praying on a much deeper level. 

13. Fall Conference 2014

This has been the most memorable Fall Conference I've been to date. Our speaker not only challenged our students to see God as immeasurably more, but I was able to seek healing from Jesus in some deep places. This was the start of some very important growth and seeking more of Jesus not just for my students but for me. 

14. My 27th birthday

I love birthdays and celebrating birthdays. This year was one of the best birthdays I've had. I felt celebrated and relaxed all at the same time. Pizza, card games, and Fast and the Furious movies will do that to a person. And yes even 27 year olds can still have sleepovers. 

Here's to many more adventures in 2015! 

A Great Light

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing their plunder. For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Every warrior's boot used in battle and every garment rolled blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and pace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this. 

Isaiah 9:2-7

When Jesus entered the world over 2,000 years ago, he entered a world covered in great darkness. Israel was harshly oppressed by the Romans and God had been silent for almost 400 years (between Old Testament and New). Women were treated poorly, those who were not Jewish were barely allowed to worship in the temple, and as the Romans oppressed Israel, Israel oppressed others - the poor, the sick, the possessed, and the hurt. 

We also live in a world of great need. A world that feels still covered in darkness. The race tensions in America are at a high, with young black men being killed at an alarming rate, with women still out of reach for true equality, with injustice imbedded within our government systems and in our hearts. We too are living in a land of darkness, one we may not be able to recognize. We are again in a time in desperate need of Jesus. 

We need a Wonderful Counselor. We've made some really bad decisions as humanity, as a country, and as individuals. We've let a lot of bad theology, ideologies, and the like get into our minds and hearts. What was supposed to be "love God and love your neighbor" has been replaced with "look out for my own". We need Jesus' wise counsel to flood our minds once again. To have the wisdom to truly understand Jesus' commands in scripture and to live them out fully. 

We need a Mighty God. There are a lot of crappy things happening in our world today. Powerful and overwhelming systemic injustice feels impossible for the single person to change. We need a mighty supernatural God to bring waves of change in places we had not imagined possible. We need justice in the places were there isn't. We need Jesus to bring about reconciliation and restoration. We need to admit our own faults and shortcomings and look to Jesus. 

We need an Everlasting Father. Many of us have had poor father figures, and all the more leads to a distrust of those in positions of authority. We've seen fathers and those in authority abuse, neglect, torment, abandon, and betray us. But Jesus promises an Everlasting Father. One who will never leave, who will never neglect, who does not torment or abuse. We need redemption and a true Father. 

We need a Prince of Peace. It's not hard to look around us and see chaos. With young black men being killed on what feels like a daily basis, with terrorism, with power abuse, with human trafficking, with drug use and abuse, and even natural disasters that we have no control over, our world sometimes feels too chaotic to handle. Jesus promises peace and comfort. Not just for eternity but for the here and now. 

When Jesus was an adult and began his ministry he said the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe. The Kingdom of God - this kingdom of restoration, of peace, of justice, is not just one for heaven. It's one for the here and now. It's for our present and for our future. We must still repent of our sins - both individual and communal and believe in our deep need for Jesus.

I want to have the answers of how that will happen. To solve the problems I see on my newsfeed every day. I want to use the privilege I have to make a difference. When we admit of our desperate need for Jesus, we see things in the light. We no longer live in the darkness of bitterness, of hatred, and of chaos. So Jesus come, bring your wonderful counsel, your might, your fatherly love, and your peace into your hearts so our world may turn more towards your light.

Running Without Music

I've decided to train for a half marathon. Because of that, my friend Claire got me this amazing book called The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances published by the comic, The Oatmeal. That book got me thinking a lot about running and how it connects with my life. They feel jumbled and kind of all over the place but this is the space I've chosen to work some of them out. So bear with me through the ramble and maybe you'll find something encouraging.

On Sunday I decided for the first time in my life to run without music. Now I love music while I run - it pumps me up, helps me run to a beat, gives me inspiration about how I am as a strong as a coursing river and as fierce as a great typhoon. So naturally I was very nervous about running without any music.

After about 10 seconds of running I was bombarded with a stream of thoughts.

Wow, my legs are not a fan of this. Who came up with this running idea anyway?

Run they said, it would be fun they said. Please. 

This is so not my idea of fun. 

You know what would be more fun - a nap. 

Oooh a nap, I like naps. I'm great at naps. 

And pizza! With the nap. 

No nap first. Then pizza. That's great! 

I'm not great at this running thing. 

I'm slow, I'm awkward. 

Did that guy just stare at me? Oh great, he knows how bad I am at this. 

CRACK! Oh my gosh I almost tripped. 

Good, I didn't trip. That would have been bad. 

This took up the first 45 second my run. I was hit with all the reasons why I shouldn't be running. How painful it was currently and how painful it was going to get. I felt like I should just give up because lets be real, I'm never going to get any better. But since I had only been running for 45 seconds, I kept going.

I usually get to this point about 20-30 minutes into a run where I'm just done. I have all these same thoughts about how I'm not good at this. I realized that listening to music had not allowed me to overcome these thoughts of quitting, it just put them off for 20 minutes.

But when I faced them head on at the beginning of the run, it hit me. There is literally nothing I can do about this. Running is not natural for me. And yes a nap would be way better. But I want to be healthier and I want to runs this half-marathon so out I go, finishing this damn mile. And by facing thoughts in the first 45 seconds meant that when the 20 minute mark hit, I wasn't overcome by a wave of: THIS SUCKS. I had already known that and accepted it 19 minutes and 15 seconds ago.

So when I finished my mile, I wasn't really surprised that I did it two minutes faster than I had been running. Distracting myself from the notion of quitting, distracting myself from the mental and physical pain never made it go away but made it feel so much bigger later on. When I faced that right away, that pain never really left. I just learned how to run with it.

This happens in life too. We so easily distract ourselves from pain or the possibility of pain that we are completely unable to deal with it when it comes around. This pain can be past experiences that have damaged us, insecurities we face, fears that creep in, past hurt and broken. Whatever this pain is we are so used to avoiding pain that when the dam breaks and it rushes at us, we crumble, we fall, and we want to quit because it is all too much. But if we had dealt with our pain, our fears, our junk, our mess, whatever you want to call it, early on then maybe we'd know how to deal with it.

When I would run with music and avoid my thoughts of wanting to quit, they just festered and waited until the dam broke. Then they were unbearable and I made decisions based on the pain I felt. I was letting myself be ruled by it. How often do we let ourselves be ruled by the pain in our lives because we've never faced it head on. I don't think we have to conquer it as much as not let our lives be ruled by it.

But if we face our junk in our lives early on, when it comes up, when our insecurities first get realized, when our friends calls that thing out in us, instead of running for the hills - we face that, then I think it becomes easier to handle. When I ran without music I knew when my body was in pain and I needed to walk and rest or when it was my mind playing tricks with me. I was learning how to listen to myself.

Maybe we need to spend more time listening to ourselves as we deal with the mess and brokenness in our lives. Maybe it will make them easier to deal with.

If I Can Just...

Over the weekend I went hiking with some friends. Now I love hiking but the trail was significantly stepper than I anticipated. As I trudged up the steep inclines I kept telling myself just to make it to the next point - the end of the of the hill, to the shady spot, to the overlook, to the curve, etc. If I had made it to that point, then it would all be over. But each hill lead to another one and each shady spot was soon eclipsed by more sun. Even when I finally reached the top, I still had to hike back down the 3 1/2 miles I just came up. 

By the time I reached the top of the mountain, I had used a significant amount of emotional, mental, and physical energy so therefore coming down was even bigger toil. By the end of the hike I was done - swearing to never go hiking again, ready to fall over, and just wanted to get to my bed. That day the hike felt more like a chore than it felt like a joy.

I wonder if we live our lives like chores instead of joys, spending so much of our time just trying to make it to the next the next thing. 

If I can just make it to graduation. 

If I can just make it to the end of this semester. 

If I can just make it to the end of the week. 

If I can just make it to the end of the day. 

And when we make it through the end of the day we are left disappointed because we still have get back up and do it all again tomorrow. We make it to the weekend only to realize there are only 48 hours between us and the week starting again. We make it the semester's end to find another one starts right after. We make it to graduation to find student loans, and unemployment.

We feel unsatisfied because we expected to be finished only to find another hill in front of us.

When we live with our eyes solely focused on just making it to the end we miss out on a lot and we grow tired. We grow tired because it feels like there is a never ending series of hills and inclines, of miles to travel. We thought we would be finished by now but we aren't. And when our eyes are solely focused on the end we miss all that is happening around us and life becomes a burdensome task just to make it to the final stop.

I think living our lives like this tires us out too much. We are so focused on just getting by, on counting down the hours until we can go home from work or class, we are counting the weeks until finals are over, or we are counting the days until vacation. What is in front of us isn't a challenge or an opportunity - it's an obstacle in my way of getting to the end. This way of living seems exhausting, and having lived like this it is exhausting.

There has to be a better way. God intended for us to have abundant life, not one buried down by burden. God says that his yoke is light, that he brings us to still waters for rest. So why are we only focused on the hills in front of us as obstacles instead of just what there are? Is there a way to change our mindset and fix our eyes not on our burdens but on Jesus? By fixing our eyes on Jesus we do not see the next hill, but we see our savior, our friend, and he is with us in the steepest inclines and the straightaways. I don't know if I have all the answers of how to do this but maybe by stop saying the phrase "If I can just..." might be a way to start. 

Making Friends is Hard

When I was a kid we used to watch reruns of friends while my mom made dinner. I didn't understand a lot of the tv show, but I did understand one major thing - I wanted my adult life to look just like that. Well mostly like that. I envisioned my life where I would live in a cool, hip, apartment and hang out with my neighbors all the time. We'd have our boyfriends over or if we were single we had have girl nights and rant about how stupid boys were. We'd spend way too much time at our favorite local coffee shop or local bar - and it would be awesome.

College felt so much like Friends and I loved every moment of it. I could walk down the hall of my dorm and ask to grab dinner with someone - and I have 30-40 people to chose from. When I moved into a house, I lived with 5 other girls and there was always someone over. I could text someone "want to hang out right now" and I wouldn't even have to send five texts before I got a yes. In college people were everywhere and I had so many options of who to be friends with. 

But then I graduated and it felt like everything changed. I moved down to LA and slowly started to lose touch with some of my college friends. As I started with InterVarsity staff I noticed that my Facebook friends increased but it seemed that my deep, meaningful friendships were slowly decreasing. 

Making Facebook friends was easy - making deep meaningful friendships was a whole other story. I was coming into a new place, a new church, and I was the outsider. No one in the church needed me while I desperately needed them. But there were times when I didn't want to put in the work to make new friendships because it was hard. It took time and I needed someone to process life with at the moment and I wanted my old friends back and only a text message away from hanging out. I didn't like how much time, how much effort it took make those deep friendships. So at some level I just stopped trying. It felt easier to be angsty when my old friends didn't call me back rather than put myself out there and meet knew people - to risk being judged or misunderstood by new people. I wanted things to go back the way they were.

But I couldn't do that any more. As much as I tried to stay in the past, I was moving forward (even if slowly) and so were all my fiends. If I've learned anything in the past four years since I've graduated is that making deep friendships once you leave college takes way more time. I don't have InterVarsity conferences or retreats to propel friendship intimacy forward with my peers. The people I interact with don't live down the street - they live on the other side of the 405 and that might as well be hours away. And even though it feels like ages, being at my church for a year and half is a really short time in the adult world. I'm right on track for where I should be in how well people know me. 

But that doesn't make it any easier. Because making friends as an adult is hard but that shouldn't stop me from trying. 

My Voice

I used to write all the time. Daily I would journal and weekly I blog. In my free moments I'd jot something down in a notebook I always carried with me or take a note on my phone. I would sit with my favorite pen while thoughts poured out of my soul like rushing river. A river full of dreams, of imagery, of feelings, and words poured out onto thin lines of paper.

But now it is dry. I sit down at the computer or with my journal and my throat feels parched. The ink seems sit, the page remains blank, and the keys stay silent. I have become silent. Somewhere in the past few months I became afraid of using my own voice.

I became afraid to say the wrong thing. I became afraid to mess up. I felt that people were suddenly looking more to me to get it right, to be perfect, to know the answers, to have the best grammar, and to do the right thing. I felt a growing sense of pressure - like a backpack - getting heavier and heavier. Like each time I wanted to get it right, another rock was placed inside.

That is not what God, nor anyone has intended for my life. God wants me to live a life of freedom and somehow I imposed this burden upon myself. God never wanted me to live in fear but has given us a spirit of power, love, and self control (2 Tim 1:7). God wants me to use my individual voices to change broken systems, to encourage, to edify, to bring justice, and to advocate for those who cannot speak. When I gave into the fear, I stopped doing all of those things. There may have been places where I needed to say something but I stood in the shadows of silence instead.

So I am going to step out in faith and speak. I will use my voice to bring others into my experience and listen well to the voices of others. I want to share the stories of Ferguson, of injustice, of hatred, of campus access, and of revival, and breakthrough, and prayer, and transformation! I want to speak to encourage others to stand in the freedom that Christ promises and no longer live in the burden of shame or guilt or bitterness.

I'm human though so I'm probably going to say the wrong thing at some point. I really wish I wouldn't but I'll make a grammatical error or a typo or say something meant to be helpful but cause hurt instead. But God does not expect perfection, he expects obedience and love. And if using my voice brings love then I think it's going ok.

Here's to letting you all (the two readers beside my mother - hey mom!) into the places of my life - both the painful and and the joyful. Here's to letting you in the reality of our world around us and sitting sometimes in the messiness.

Intercession and Prayer

A week ago, my friend Michael, posted on Facebook that he wanted to do intercessory prayer. He asked his Facebook friends to send him messages of their prayer requests. When I see things like, I usually take people up on their offers because - well why not. But I usually don't expect much from them. But I still sent Michael a request asking to pray for my leaders to grow in their understanding of leadership and incarnational ministry.

I had forgotten that I had shared this with him when I get a message from him later in the evening.

What was crazy is that Michael had no idea that two years ago, when we sat down to make some long term goals for our fellowship we had come up with the number of students leaders we wanted to see over the next five years. We wanted to see 30 students rise up as a leaders on campus by 2017.

(that's been posted in my apartment for the past 2 years)

I stared at his message in disbelief, knowing I had not told him that story or had told him about those goals. In fact they've been placed up in my apartment for so long that I almost forgot about them. It wasn't until I received Michael's message that I remembered we wanted to see 30 student leaders reaching CSUN and being witnesses in their communities on campus.

I was challenged by Michael to be obedient to God's calling to intercede for my friends and for the campus. I had been avoiding taking this call seriously but last week I decided it was time to set aside time to prayer in intercession. It's more than getting a cool story but it's about being obedient to the Lord and praying consistently. I'm reminded of Nehemiah and when heard about the description of Israel this was his response,

"When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven." 

Nehemiah's story reminds me that prayer is not a one time thing but a process, a pattern, a discipline. I'm learning to be more disciplined.

Gratitude

These past few months have had a lot of unexpected difficulties. Some external, some internal but it's made it difficult for me to sit and write. I had dinner with an old friend today where we talked about writing and the great things it does for us in our lives. And I realized how infrequently I have been blogging lately. And not that I have a large readership that needs to hear every thought (but thanks Mom for still reading this!) but it's good for me. Good to be vulnerable, to be honest, to practice writing and continue to develop this skill, and to just sit down and be still for a moment.

So in this season of difficult moments I feel it's best to just share a few things that I am grateful for in this season:

• I'm grateful for music and an iTunes account full of the music I need to move my soul. 
• I'm grateful for friends who challenge me, who affirm me, who sit with me in moments of silence when I feel too much, who pray for me when I text them, who give me hugs (even when they don't like giving hugs), who listen to me ramble on while I verbal vomit, and who would be there for me whenever I need them. 
• For hard situations that force me to rely on Jesus and challenge me to be a better leader. 
• For a church that worships in such a deep way that I can feel it tangibly every time I go. 
• For a supervisor who since day one was in my corner and on my team. Who told me exactly what I needed to do and was always my advocate. 
• For all my students - every single one of them - who teach me daily to love others as Jesus loved others. 
• For parents who support my ministry and my vocation because I know who rare that can be in my line of work. 
• For a God who is loves me more than I can ever understand - who is crazy about me and wants to spend time with me, who speaks to me and sits with me, and who has never abandoned me. 
• For a car that can take me places where I need to go and for a place of consistent safety for me. 
• For a phone that connects to me friends who live far away or who are far away for the moment. For text messages, voicemails, and phone calls. 
• For books and stories that inspire me and challenge me. For language that speaks to the soul in ways I could never really articulate and for the magic within. 

So for the many people and the many things I am grateful for, I can end this night (or start this morning depending on how you look at it) with a full heart.

How I Met Your Mother

[SPOILER ALERT]

If you haven't watched the latest How I Met Your Mother episode, you probably don't want to read these reflections. It kind of gives away the plot of the series finale. So watch it first or risk having it
ruined. But I warned you.

This is not to get everyone rilled up or to start a debate. Feel how you want to feel about the series finale- like it, love it, hate, or whatever. I even have mixed emotions. I've been thinking about it for the past couple of hours. But I think I'm leaning toward liking it. I definitely don't hate it. It wasn't neat, it wasn't clean, there were parts I didn't like and there parts I did. And that's a lot like life. I didn't think it was a cop out for the writers. I don't think I would have enjoyed it if everyone got together happily at the end. Yes, that would have been cute but that's not reality and I felt they were trying to show reality for a moment.

Here's what I don't like:
- I don't like that Robin and Barney got divorced because it hurts me to see divorce happen. It hurts me to see their relationship fall apart like that and to see them clearly in pain. Divorce is painful and watching even these fictional characters go through it was painful. Did I want it for them - of course not, but that stuff happens.
- I don't like how Robin fell away from the group. But I don't blame her. She was heartbroken and hurt by Barney. It makes sense how she went deep into her career to cope. Yes it hurts us to watch that play out, but again I've seen that happen. Heck, I've been in her shoes. I've been hurt by people and have pulled away from them and regretted it afterwards.
- I don't like that Tracy died. But that's part of the unfairness of our fallen world. People die too early and too often. We lose those we love and those that mean the most to us. It's painful and it sucks to grieve but I know Ted loved her so much.

Where is what I did like:
- I like the Barney found a woman he loved. It shows that being a parent can really change a person for the better.
- I like that Ted went after Robin. I believe he fully loved Tracy with everything he had. But I'm glad to see he let his heart move on.

Here is what I loved:
- How Marshall and Lily were always there for everyone. Lily was there for Robin and even let her go do her own thing. Marshall was always there for Ted throughout their lives. It is these two that really show me what deep friendship looks like.
- How Ted's kids told him to go after Robin. It shows me that they are his prorities, his love, and what he cares most about. Yes he loves he wife and Robin but at the moment, he is crazy about his kids. And if they had said no - I know he wouldn't have even pursued Robin. That is an amazing portrayal of a dad.
- How the show produced 3 really amazing pictures of father figures. Marshall, Ted, and Barney would do anything for their kids - were a part of their kid's lives, and loved them so much. In a world with a lot of crappy fathers, the showed that there are really good ones out there.

So to the HIMYM - thank you for showing us that life is messy and doesn't always get wrapped up easily. Thank you for nine years of laughter, of tears, and joys and frustrations. No, the show wasn't perfect all the time, but much like our lives, I enjoyed being a part of it.

Do You Trust Me

I have recently started a position as a full time InterVarsity staff and I've spent a majority of my time fundraising. I've stepped off campus - away from students and from campus ministry in order to do this. So naturally I'm feeling a lot of things: over the past two months I've felt frustrated, angry, sad, joyful, happy, elated, lonely, passionate, focused, tired, distracted, energetic, excited, and many more. It's been an up and down season and until today I couldn't even begin to write about it.

It started with my dear friend, Erna's blog. In her Process of Disappointment, she reflects that disappointments often lead us to discover deep truths about ourselves. She also shared that there is power as we share those disappointments with others, not to throw ourselves pity parties but that we may receive the comfort and a good ass-kicking from our community around us. So here I go - finally starting to share.

I've always seen myself as fairly strong and resilient. I can handle many things that are thrown at me. I've been through a good deal - from my parents divorce, to a lot of rejection in college, to a terrible teaching experience, and many other things have shaped and formed me as a strong, independent woman of God. It can be very easy to trust in myself because I am strong, I am independent, and I am self-reliant.

But I have also faced many disappointments over the years that have spilled into present day. I wouldn't always deal with them because I wanted to come across as strong and independent but inside I was really feeling the frustration and anger at what I wanted to happen - didn't.

• When I prayed to God for years to bring my parents back together after a divorce, I was left disappointed. 
• When my dad would frequently be late or have to canceling spending time with us, I left was disappointed. 
• When I wasn't asked to prom in either junior or senior year of high school, I hate to admit it, but I was disappointed. 
• When I wanted to be in a relationship with someone but it was clearly not going to work out, I was left disappointed. 
• When now I see so many of my friends and students getting into relationships, getting married, having babies and I'm still single, I'm left disappointed. 

Many of those I have reconciled but there are some deep places in my soul that still are affected by those disappointments. During this season of fundraising God has began to work on the common theme between all of them: trust. So many things that disappointed me lead to a lack of trust of Jesus. Over the years I developed a deep fear that God will not care of me and that only person I can trust is myself. During college (and post-college) I engaged with Jesus on that a lot that and I thought I had worked it all out but God was inviting me to a deeper level of trust with him.

For in the past I might have thought it was the individual event that was a disappointment but they all lead back to deeper lack of trust of God's goodness. I might have thought I was disappointed that my parents didn't get back together, what I really felt was that God didn't hear my prayers. When my dad had to leave early from a school play, what I really felt was that I wasn't good enough for him to give his time to. When I wasn't asked to prom, I felt I was beautiful enough to even be considered. When this relationship didn't work out, I thought God was ignoring this desire I had. When I'm still single into my mid-twenties, what I really feel is that there must be something wrong with me.

So Jesus has been asking me the question: Do you trust me?

I'm reminded of the scene in Aladdin - when Aladdin asks Jasmine to jump on the flying carpet and go on an awesome adventure with him. He extends his hand out saying - do you trust me? And that's what Jesus has been asking me daily. When I feel I have no energy left for appointments he asks if I trust he can provide strength. When I fear I no one will give any more he asks if trust he will he provide the finances. When I feel alone he asks if I trust that he is all comfort and will provide friendships. When I feel discouraged he asks if I trust that he is faithful.

Jesus has to ask this every day because my instinct is to say no. I want to do it myself - I want to prove myself as the strong, independent woman, who can do it all - no matter what my mother tells me. I want to be in control. But Jesus is inviting me to not be in control, in fact to relinquish control back to him, and jump on the magic carpet.

In Erna's blog, a friend of her shared this: "She wasn't telling me to pretend everything was fine and put on a happy Christian face. But she was challenging me that my pain wasn't an excuse to dismiss every truth I knew about God." That's what it means to trust Jesus. To longer let my pain or disappointment be an excuse to dismiss every truth I know about God.

And here are some the truths I know about God:

• He hears our cries and listens to our prayers (Psalm 40) 
• He never leaves us nor abandons us (Deut. 31 and Joshua 1) 
• He heals us (Psalm 103 and Mark 5) 
• He loves us deeply (John 3) 
• That I have been anointed for this ministry position (Isaiah 60) 
• That he is the giver of peace surpassing understanding (Phillippians 4) 
• That he forgives our sins (1 John 1) 
• That he will guide us (Proverbs 3) 

So in those moments when I'm overwhelmed by fundraising, by still being single, by being too busy, by not seeing my students, or by being alone God is giving me an invitation to trust that he will take care of me. He is extending his hand and asking me to go on a ride that I may not know fully where it takes me, but I know that God is in control.

Yeah it may sound a bit cheesy but it also sounds kind of exciting. And I like that.

Valentine's Day

I tried to come up with a great post with great reflections about Valentine's Day. Not sure what I wanted - but something profound about the joy of being single without sounding too cheesy or insincere. But I couldn't. I just couldn't come up with anything at the moment. I mean I'm generally ok with being single at the moment. I enjoy taking more risks and learning who I am in this stage. I enjoy that I have a unique voice as an "older" single woman (I use older really hesitantly - but being unmarried and not in a relationships over the age of 25 in the church can often feel like older). I enjoy being single most of the time.

But there are times when I don't enjoy it. When I see new relationships arise, when I see my friends get engaged, when my friends plan weddings, have babies, buy homes, and get to share their life with someone else and honestly I get jealous. Can I say that? Yes - I do - I get jealous.

It can feel lonely and frustrating being single still. And it doesn't just hit me on "Singleness Awareness Day." Because, honestly, I'm aware everyday that I'm single - I don't need an invented holiday to tell me that. Some days I'm so content with my singleness. Some days I'm not. But there is a truth that surpass my feelings and emotions: that Jesus loves me and cares for me. I can be confident in that truth because it won't change when I'm single or married. He will always see my cries, pain, tears, and frustrations. He will always see my joys, strength, and confidence. And it's this truth that gets me through the not so great days. Because feelings and circumstances change. Jesus does not.

And that's pretty awesome.

But I actually had a really great Valentine's Day itself because I spent it with good friends, laughed a lot, and got some free stuff! So here are some pics of the pretty epic Friday.

Valentine's Day cards from Mom. Doubles as a bookmark. How cool is that? 

Jenel is the vampire squirrel? 

We waited about 10-15 min for ice cream. We played with plush toys while we waited so it felt like no time at all. 

Spiderman was on a car!

We painted while watching the Olympics. Mine is the bottom left.