Last week I wrote a blog post about some of the more difficult aspects of my journey on InterVarsity staff. I wrestled with a lot of the tension of being in staffing situation where I was by myself and was open about some of the pain brought up. The end point was to be hopeful and come at the pain from a place of gratitude for a hard year and a situation that ultimately grew in my understanding of the gospel. As I look into the next year and see a staff situation that may not change drastically (although there will be some change for the new year), I am pressed with the choice of remaining in a place of pain or frustration or blazing ahead into something new.
The question is, will I, myself, remain the same as I step onto our campus for another year? Will I chose to be hopeless or hopeful as I spend another year as the only staff at CSUN? Will I chose to see my position as one of a person exiled or one of a person sent, a trailblazer? This choice in perspective can make or break my next year at CSUN.
While being the only staff on a campus there are many feelings that come along. I feel alone, I feel distant from others, I feel isolated because of the location of school and being by myself, I feel different because I don't have the chance to interact with others in similar positions, and I feel generally misunderstood, feeling many do not know how to interact with my experiences.. These feelings are not bad in of themselves, they are the emotional reposes to the reality I am the only InterVarsity's staff at CSUN's campus. But there is a call to respond in particular point of view, or perspective to these feelings of isolation and distance. I have two choices: to feel as one in exile or one sent as a trailblazer, and the distinction between the two changes everything.
If I chose to see myself as one in exile, I will be surrounded by hopelessness. I may feel alone because I believe the lie I am not worth putting in a "normal" team. I may feel distant because the location barrier seems too great for anyone to venture towards CSUN. I may feel isolated because I am not in a place of constant staff community and it also appears as if no one cares enough to come to reach out to us. I may feel different because because the lack of staff seems to suggest my place of ministry is not one where others want to go. I may feel misunderstood because I don't see people want to hear my stories or share in my experiences. I may even feel I am being punished and I am sent here for correction. If I chose to see myself as exiled, I am believing a lot of damaging lies about myself, about InterVarsity, about Northridge, about CSUN and its students, and mostly about the character of Jesus. If I chose to see myself as one been exiled to Northridge then I send the message this is a place of desolation and destruction, nothing good can come out of here or goes into here.
However, if I chose to see myself as a trailblazer then I am surrounded by hope. I will feel alone, but only because of circumstance and I know there is an entire community sending me into this place. I will feel distant from others but only because Northridge is not conveniently located and let's face it - the 405 freeway has terrible traffic, not something I can control. I will feel isolated but only because I still will be the only staff on campus but an opportunity to invest and develop students, and see them rise to positions of leadership. I will feel different but only because of all the new things I am trying but difference is not a bad thing. I will feel misunderstood but only because I am learning how to share my stories in a way to be fully understood but people are trying. I chose to see myself, my campus, my students as trailblazers for risk, then we are being supported by a community who trusts us to try new things, who sees Northridge as a place where good things are sent and greater things return - it is a place full of abundant life.
How powerful can a change in terminology, in perspective, in a way of seeing can alter a ministry. I believe this is how Jesus wants us to see ministry at CSUN. Jesus saw with spiritual wisdom and spiritual eyes, which is so different from our human knowledge. I think he understands being a trailblazer can sometimes feel like being in exile. Instead of one being sent away, it is one of being sent forth. Instead of a ministry trying to run from hopelessness it becomes one to lead in hopefulness. Instead of a ministry where we struggle to help people to see their calling, it is a place where they understand they've been called to and begin to call others. Instead of place of desolation, depression, and destruction it becomes a place for growth, life, and transformation. If we want to see people come to Northridge, we ourselves have to believe it is a place worth being at - because it is a place worth being at. It is a place where risks are taken and where new things are developed. It could be a place where other fellowships learn from. We can be a place of revival but only if we are willing to take the risks, try new things, and see ourselves as a place and a people worth reviving.
I speak for myself and for my community, we must not be afraid to feel alone, isolated, or distant from others in ministry. We must not be afraid to take risks, to make big leaps, and to blaze ahead into unknown places. If we see ourselves trailblazers into something new we will not succumb to the lies and surround ourselves in hope and joy. We are a worthy people sent forth into a difficult place. God has great things promised for us. Like Joshua and Caleb, we may need to go ahead and scout out what God has promised us. God has promised us revival if we are willing to reach for it, if we are willing to blaze new trails for it. How wonderful to be a part of a trailblazing ministry and not be in a place of exile!
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