May the Course Be With You

Ran my second Run Disney race today. Once again I was privileged to run with Team AFSP (American Foundation from Suicide Prevention). It was Star Wars which I loved! It's my favorite movie franchise (I have seen The Force Awakens five times in theaters). I even dressed up as a X-Wing Fighter pilot for the race. It was just fun to see everyone dressed up and the Star Wars music playing throughout the park.

So glad I decided to do a 10k instead of the Half-Marathon (6.2 miles compared to 13.1 - oh yeah much better decision). Running is great and I love it but I'm not sure how much I love it to do a second half marathon. I think I'm done with "marathons" unless they are preceded by the word "Netflix."

But here are some photos of the race:

At the Health and Fitness Expo - playing with lightsabers.

Team AFSP 10k runners

Watched the sunrise since we were up so early for the race. 

Running through the park and saw some storm troopers.

My cheer squad.

My awesome medal.

With Me (30 Days of Gratitude)

30 Days of Gratitude Day 2

When I ran my first half marathon there were many points along the way I didn't think I could do it. Truth be told, I never thought I would actually run a half marathon. I'm not really in the best of shape and I only really started running like two years ago. I did a 5k once but 13.1 miles seemed out of reach. I signed up on a whim but in reality I was not sure if I was cut out to do this.

Since I had already committed to this crazy thing, I decided to run with the organization American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I chose this organization because I had a friend commit suicide a few years prior and I myself struggled with anxiety and depression. I knew that it was important to run along people who too felt the grief, felt the depression, and wanted to do something about it.

This brings me to Day 2 of 30 Days of Gratitude. Those who are with me. Those who have been alongside me during times of grief, during times of depression, during times of pain.

My half marathon was a good picture of this. I had friends who were supportive during the training. Friends who came to see me in the race. Friends who texted me encouragement the morning of. There were people along the route I didn't know encouraging me - other runners, volunteers and spectators. I didn't fully know how vital having a support time was to finishing strong.

While it started off well, I definitely wanted to give up at mile 10. My kneed starting hurting at mile 8 and I was tired, a bit dehydrated, and just ready to finish. But with 3 miles still to go it seemed like a giant hurdle I wasn't going to be able to overcome. I was in pain - both emotionally and physically and I just wanted it to all go away.

Even though I wanted to give up, I still ran/walked/jogged/crawled on. Other runners can see when you're in pain and they cheer you on. We are all in this crap hole together and we will all finish together. Running may feel like a solitary sport a times, but during a race, you are surrounded by people who want you to finish just as much as they want to to finish. I sat down at one point to adjust my shoe when a woman runs past me - "You can do this! Don't give up!" Others would run behind me, see my AFSP jersey and say (where it says running in memory of Rachelle) "Rachelle would be proud of you. Keep it up."

Both in half marathon running and struggling with depression, "Keep going, you can do this" seemed to be the chant of encouragement. Many days I didn't feel like I could. Some days are great - they feel like mile 2 and the running is simple, easy. You're actually impressed you made it this far. Some days feel like mile 7 when there seems to be so much longer still to go and the end is so far but you have a sprinkle of hope still left. Some days it feels like mile 10, where all you can feel is pain and it may feel easier to sit on the side of the road, take off our shoes, and give up. But someone comes alongside side you and says "Keep going! You can do this!"

But in the midst of all of it - al the pain and frustration, what I've always had is people to cheer with me. Friends who sent encouraging texts or woke up at 4am to cheer me on. Whether it was a half marathon or just life itself, I am grateful for the friends who have just been with me and along side me, during it all.

My encouragement to you - whether it be running or dealing with depression, that you can keep going, you can do this. People are there for you even when it doesn't feel like it. You have people who will wake up at 4am to cheer you on when you run a really hard race. You have friends who text encouraging pictures. You have friends who get you cookies when days are tough or who will sit on the porch with you and hold your hand while you cry at the one movie that brought up a lot of past emotional pain. There are times when you want to give up, but you don't have to. You may need to slow down but walking isn't giving up, it's moving forward. I am grateful for those who have been with me and those who have invited me to be with them in the midst of it all. 

13.1 Club

I've joined the 13.1 Club!

Yes, I recently ran a half marathon. Some days I still can't believe I did it. I decided to do it a bit on a whim, not really sure what I was getting myself into. I really enjoy running but I don't do it as frequently unless I'm training for something. So in December I signed up for the TinkerBell Half Marathon.

And I'm so proud to say that I finished! It was slow and my knee was in a lot of pain starting around mile 10 but I finished it! I ran it with Team AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention), in honor of my friend Rachelle.

my gear

before the race started 

lining up

at mile 6

almost to the finish line

Sarah, Jenel, and Jonathan came to support me

my medal

posing with TinkerBell herself. 

I love the experience and I would probably run a half marathon again but not for a while. But I've definitely been bit by the running bug so in December my best friend Sol and I are running in the Disney Star Wars 10k in December. We are both running with Team AFSP. 

Stay tuned for more info about this next running adventures (I'm so glad it's only 6.2 miles instead of 13.1). I will be doing fundraising for this one too and all donations go to support research and resources for those struggling with depression. 

Half-Marathon Update

Running is more amazing with a view like this:

I've been training since December and here is what I've accumulated so far:
58.5 miles ran
6.31 longest distance run
13:46 fastest mile run
2 injured knees (from falling on asphalt)
2 weeks off from the flu
$560 raised for AFSP

Sometimes I can't believe I'm really doing this. But here I am - running and stuff.

To see more of why I started running - see here. To donate to AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) - see here.

Half-Marathon

I decided about a month ago to run a half-marathon in May. As a kid I hated running and I ran 2 cross country races in junior high because they made the basketball team do it. It was the most painful thing I remember about junior high athletics.

Two years ago I decided to give running another shot. Honestly I did because some of my students were doing it and I was eager to bond with them. Then I ran my first 5k race and I kind of started to like. Of course it was hard to keep the habit up so I signed up for a bigger race to train for. Therefore the half marathon.

But it became so much more. I realized I couldn't just run the race, I wanted to run for a charity. So after searching for a charity to support, I came across AFSP: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I knew this was my charity to run for and run with because I have had some dear friends attempt or commit suicide, wrestle with depression, and I myself wrestled with depression several years ago.

My best friend Sol, knows too well the pain of losing a loved one to suicide. When Rachelle committed suicide, it felt as if the world came to a sudden stop. I had just met her, but she was a deep friend of Sol's. We had actually just hung out a few weekends before - laughing, eating Korean BBQ, making fun of students moving out of college, listening loudly to songs on the radio. So when I got the phone call that she had died, I could hear my best friend's heart break over the phone. We were confused, distraught. Everyone was. We wondered what would we have done differently? What could we have shared? What could we have said?

So it is for Rachelle, and for the many others facing this depression, that I run this half-marathon. It is for them that I put my own body through pain, to be in solidarity through their emotional pain. It is for them that I raise money for this organization to help those who have no where else to turn to.

I miss Rachelle. I was just getting to know here and we all miss her dearly. We miss her smile and her laughter and her sarcasm, and her wit, and her friendship. Join me as I prepare to run this marathon - reading my reflections on running, sending encouraging texts, even donating to support me. All of this can make a difference in the lives of people we haven't met yet, and the lives of their friends and loved ones.

To donate online click HERE.

Running Without Music

I've decided to train for a half marathon. Because of that, my friend Claire got me this amazing book called The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances published by the comic, The Oatmeal. That book got me thinking a lot about running and how it connects with my life. They feel jumbled and kind of all over the place but this is the space I've chosen to work some of them out. So bear with me through the ramble and maybe you'll find something encouraging.

On Sunday I decided for the first time in my life to run without music. Now I love music while I run - it pumps me up, helps me run to a beat, gives me inspiration about how I am as a strong as a coursing river and as fierce as a great typhoon. So naturally I was very nervous about running without any music.

After about 10 seconds of running I was bombarded with a stream of thoughts.

Wow, my legs are not a fan of this. Who came up with this running idea anyway?

Run they said, it would be fun they said. Please. 

This is so not my idea of fun. 

You know what would be more fun - a nap. 

Oooh a nap, I like naps. I'm great at naps. 

And pizza! With the nap. 

No nap first. Then pizza. That's great! 

I'm not great at this running thing. 

I'm slow, I'm awkward. 

Did that guy just stare at me? Oh great, he knows how bad I am at this. 

CRACK! Oh my gosh I almost tripped. 

Good, I didn't trip. That would have been bad. 

This took up the first 45 second my run. I was hit with all the reasons why I shouldn't be running. How painful it was currently and how painful it was going to get. I felt like I should just give up because lets be real, I'm never going to get any better. But since I had only been running for 45 seconds, I kept going.

I usually get to this point about 20-30 minutes into a run where I'm just done. I have all these same thoughts about how I'm not good at this. I realized that listening to music had not allowed me to overcome these thoughts of quitting, it just put them off for 20 minutes.

But when I faced them head on at the beginning of the run, it hit me. There is literally nothing I can do about this. Running is not natural for me. And yes a nap would be way better. But I want to be healthier and I want to runs this half-marathon so out I go, finishing this damn mile. And by facing thoughts in the first 45 seconds meant that when the 20 minute mark hit, I wasn't overcome by a wave of: THIS SUCKS. I had already known that and accepted it 19 minutes and 15 seconds ago.

So when I finished my mile, I wasn't really surprised that I did it two minutes faster than I had been running. Distracting myself from the notion of quitting, distracting myself from the mental and physical pain never made it go away but made it feel so much bigger later on. When I faced that right away, that pain never really left. I just learned how to run with it.

This happens in life too. We so easily distract ourselves from pain or the possibility of pain that we are completely unable to deal with it when it comes around. This pain can be past experiences that have damaged us, insecurities we face, fears that creep in, past hurt and broken. Whatever this pain is we are so used to avoiding pain that when the dam breaks and it rushes at us, we crumble, we fall, and we want to quit because it is all too much. But if we had dealt with our pain, our fears, our junk, our mess, whatever you want to call it, early on then maybe we'd know how to deal with it.

When I would run with music and avoid my thoughts of wanting to quit, they just festered and waited until the dam broke. Then they were unbearable and I made decisions based on the pain I felt. I was letting myself be ruled by it. How often do we let ourselves be ruled by the pain in our lives because we've never faced it head on. I don't think we have to conquer it as much as not let our lives be ruled by it.

But if we face our junk in our lives early on, when it comes up, when our insecurities first get realized, when our friends calls that thing out in us, instead of running for the hills - we face that, then I think it becomes easier to handle. When I ran without music I knew when my body was in pain and I needed to walk and rest or when it was my mind playing tricks with me. I was learning how to listen to myself.

Maybe we need to spend more time listening to ourselves as we deal with the mess and brokenness in our lives. Maybe it will make them easier to deal with.

30 Before 30: Do All the Things

Here is the basic list and the progress I've made so far. To read the descriptions and reason for each one, see my 30 Before 30 Post.

1. Take a road trip
2. Travel to 4 states I have never been to
1. Wisconsin
2. Tennessee 
3. Texas 
4. Montana 
3. Visit 30 new places
1. Madison, WI
2. Nashville, TN
3. Austin, TX
4. Mount Rainer National Park
5. Glacier National Park
4. Get something published
5. Date
6. Nurture a deep friendship with 5 people
7. Use my voice
8. Find my fashion style
9. Run a half-marathon
1. Signed up! 
2. Training has begun 
3. Finished! 
10. Read the whole bible
1. Genesis 
2. Exodus
3. Leviticus 
4. Numbers
5. Deuteronomy 
6. Joshua 
7. Judges 
8. Ruth
9. I and II Samuel 
10. I and II Kings
11. I and II Chronicles 
12. Ezra 
13. Nehemiah 
14. Esther 
15. Job
11. Memorize 30 Scriptures
1. Philippians 4:4-7
2. 2 Chronicles 7:14
3. Hebrews 11: 1
12. Learn 30 new dishes
13. Take a class
1. Motorcycle Training/Safety Class 
14. Learn a new language
15. Read 30,000 pages 
1. Books read in 2014 (total pages: 7,982)
2. Books read in 2015 (total pages so far: 5,202)
16. Get 30 new InterVarsity Supporters
1. Claire
2. Mike and Stephanie
3. Nicole and Chris
4. Lauren
5. Kevin
6. Zoe
7. Brian
8. Erik
9. Michelle and Greg
10. Eric and Kristin
11. Ernie
12. Val and Kevin
13. Susan and Jerry
14. Bill and Deanne
15. MaryAnn
16. Charissa
17. Darci
18. Teresa
19. Eric and Veronica
20. Lake Ave Church
21. Shepherd of the Hills Church
22. Jessica
23. Sabrena 
24. Natalie 
25. Gary
26. Stephen
27. Priscila
28. Ryan  
17. Bring 30 students to Urbana15
1. So far we have 15 signed up! 
18. Serve at church
19. Create art
1. Painting on Valentine's Day
20. Spend time with 30 old friends
1. Charissa 
2. Claire 
3. Shin
4. Kari and Mackenzie 
5. SGP
6. KP and JLui 
7. Lyn 
8. Lauren 
9. Melody
10. Nicole 
11. Christina 
12. Bree
13. Josiah 
14. Jonathan 
21. Go backpacking
1. We went on a "fake backpacking" trip. Hopefully that will turn into a real backpacking trip soon. 
22. Write 30 letters to 30 different people
23. Meet my goal weight
24. Forgive 30 people
25. Be a better steward with money
26. Pay off debt
1. Paid off my first student loan in August! 
27. Clean out and organize my life - we are starting one drawer or dresser at a time. 
28. Design my apartment
29. Learn basic car and apartment maintenance
1. How to jump a car battery 
30. Try 30 fun new things
1. Long Beach Stay-cation
2. Get a tattoo!
3. Saw Clayton Kershaw pitch a no-hitter live! 
4. Learn salsa dancing 
5. Eat cheese curds (best things ever!) 
6. Saw a show at the Grande Ole Opry (while wearing cowboy boots)
7. Hiking to Glen Aulin for the first time 
8. Archery
9. Get a second tattoo! 
10. Run a half-marathon
11. Guest teach at another school's Mark Camp 

LA Marathon

Two of my students ran the LA Marathon today. Here are some highlights: 

Before the race started.

The Elites

Sarena and I became volunteers while we waited. She even gave water to a banana.

#teamsean

#teamjenel

Jenel and her parents after the race.

The group that came to support. 

Those are real medals. 

Enjoying an post-race burger.

30 Before 30

When I turned 25 I decided to come up with a list of 25 things to do during the year. It made the year feel extra special as I was able to keep track of all the new things I accomplished. It also helped me take note of the ways I needed more challenge in my life. Many of them, however, were easy to accomplish in a year or less. As I just turned 26 and I'm now closer to 30 than I am to twenty, I want to take even more risks, develop more disciplines, and find myself just a bit more as I try new things and make many more mistakes. So here are the 30 things I want to do before I turn 30.

1. Take a road trip. I want to see many new places, find hidden gems, and form deeper friendships as we journey together.
2. Travel to 4 states I have never been to. This will prevent me from just doing an up the west coast trip (which I want to do). Fortunately I've been to both of the dakotas so don't have to worry about that. 
3. Visit 30 new places. I really enjoy traveling and taking adventures. I want to mark the many places I hope to visit and explore. 
4. Get something published. Or least frame the rejection letters. I love writing but it is easy for me to just write for myself. I want to take the risk by sending my work to be published. It may never happen but I'm going to take that risk anyway.
5. Date. While this may appear to be an easy one, truth is, I don't really date a lot. So I want to step into putting myself out there - feels like a weird a phrase but you get it - and take more risks, initiate more, meet more people, etc.
6. Nurture a deep friendship with 5 people. It is easy for me to always want to take care of others but it's important for me to also have deep friendships where people are invested in caring for me. This could be coordinating meals, planning fun events, saying yes to drinks or date nights, movie nights, or random outings. 
7. Use my voice. Over the years I've been frustrated with the fact that I'm still single or it seems many churches don't have a place for single women over the age of 22 or that all my friends seem to be married or birthing children. But there is something unique about the fact that I am currently 26 and still single and I have a voice to share. I want to find ways to use my voice to encourage and to challenge. 
8. Find my fashion style. As I am entering my late 20's and heading into 30 I want to find my fashion style not as a college student anymore but as a "real adult" (if there is such a thing). 
9. Run a half-marathon. While I go back and forth about running, I want to develop a stronger discipline for it. I've run a 5k and I found I really enjoyed the actual experience. I think I want to push myself to go bigger. 
10. Read the whole bible. I'm always surprised at the stories I find in scripture and it's time I know them all. I've read a lot of it, but it's time I see all the great things God has in all of scripture.
11. Memorize 30 Scriptures. As I read through the whole bible, it is important to memorize and mediate on them as well. 
12. Learn 30 new dishes. Not just try or make 30 dishes - but learn and perfect them. So this will require making them several times. I'm sure I can find some people to help me taste test. 
13. Take a class. Maybe it's a sewing class or a cooking class. Maybe it's guitar lessons or swing dancing lessons. Maybe it's a seminary class. I don't know, I don't plan everything out. But I want to learn something new. 
14. Learn a new language. I want to be able to both communicate with my best friend who speaks Spanish and the large population at CSUN who signs. Maybe I will make an attempt to learn some of both. 
15. Read 30,000 pages. That adds up to about 30 books of at least 250 pages per year until I'm 30. I love reading so this will be fun to end up reading 120 new books in the next four years. 
16. Get 30 new InterVarsity Supporters. This will be a challenge to maintain 30 new ministry supporters and take a lot of work but a great growth challenge. 
17. Bring 30 students to Urbana15. Last year we brought 15 students to Urbana12 and imagine how powerful it will be bring to be at least 30 students.
18. Serve deeply at church. Like seriously serve in a ministry so I'm one of those crazy people who spend too much time talking about church stuff. 
19. Create art. To frame, to give away. Not photography but drawing, painting, or something of the sort. Pinterest will be helpful but take a risk and create art. 
20. Spend time with 30 old friends. Not just a one meal, but traveling together, spending a weekend away, getting back into the lives of college friends I've lost touch with and rejoicing in where God has brought us now. 
21. Go backpacking. I love hiking, I love camping, I love nature but I have never had the opportunity to actually go backpacking. I want, no I need to make this happen. 
22. Write 30 letters to 30 different people. Letter writing is a beautiful art and I need to do this regularly.
23. Meet my goal weight. It's not about being super thin, but about being healthy. Develop exercise and eating habits to feel great in my own skin. 
24. Forgive 30 people. Forgiveness is a choice not a fuzzy feeling. This will be a challenge to seriously chose forgiveness for 30 people. 
25. Be a better steward with money. I want to be better at budgeting and saving. Finances tend to stress me out more than most things because I don't like working with numbers. I need to get over my fears of looking at my spending habits so I can be a better steward of the money I've been given.
26. Pay off credit debt. I'm fortunate to not be in a huge debt but I'm still have credit cards and student loans to pay off. I want to be able to pay off my credit card debt and make a plan to pay off my student loans within the foreseeable future. Working on the previous one should help this.
27. Clean out and organize my life. I've been holding onto unnecessary junk in my life (both literally and metaphorically) for probably too long. The longer I live in a place then the more I tend to consume. I need to go through and get rid of the stuff I have no need for and organize the stuff I do so I can find it again. 
28. Design my apartment. Every place I've lived in has been in a season of transition. Other than my parents the longest I've lived somewhere was two years. I'm in a season where I will most like live here for the next several years and I want my living space to reflect the permanence in my life. 
29. Learn basic car and apartment maintenance: Since it's probably I will be single for the foreseeable future, I want to learn how to keep my car and apartment running. Things like - how to change my oil, how to repair a flat tire, how to fix a minor plumping issue, etc. So when I do get married - I can fix stuff and he can cook.
30. Try 30 fun new things. It's great that I have all these goals but I want to make sure I'm having fun while doing it all. It could be going out dancing, it could be paintball, it could be skydiving. Ok it probably wont' be skydiving. 

Feels like Home (30 Days of Gratitude)

Today I'm thankful for being in one place for more than a year. I have lived in Northridge for a year a three months and I'm so grateful for the stability of being in one place for a while. When I graduated from college in 2010, I didn't spend more than six months in a single place and being in Northridge feels like home. I have a lot of places that feel like home and feel safe - Pasadena, San Luis Obispo, Fresno, and now Northridge feels like a place I could call home.

I'm grateful to know this city and be known in it. To go to restaurants where they know my face and also my food order, to have friends to eat breakfast with, grateful for days that feel like fall, cloudy days that are prefect for reading, playing Nerts (my favorite card game ever) with friends, and going running with friends (and enjoying it). It's good to be in a place that feels like home.

Grief

In the wake of tragedies - I always wish I could find the right words to say. I never seem to have the right string of letters combined to give comfort and encouragement.

I just wish I could hug everyone in Boston right now. That's about all I've got.

5k Finisher!

I like lists and pictures so let's recap my first 5k with both!

What I learned: 

- I have a lot more energy, adrenaline, excitement on race day than on a normal day
- I can run a lot faster than I give myself credit for (I finished in 38:00 and I was shooting for just under 45:00 so I blew that goal out of the water).
- I run faster when I can run with someone
- I love having a support team who makes signs. The other runners get jealous.
- I love that you get a medal for finishing. If makes me feel twice as accomplished.
- I now identify myself as a runner. I have a Running Board on Pintrest and everything. 

- I really enjoy running.
- I am exciting to start preparing for another one.
- I foresee running longer races in my future. We will see. I have to get through the 25 goals first.

Picture time!

I passed Jenel and Jaclyn but they weren't looking. A few moments later, Jenel had sprinted up to take this picture. I'm laughing in most of the pictures because Jenel and Jaclyn were being hilarious as I ran by them. The fact that I could smile and laugh as I ran by was pretty impressive.

Almost at the finish line. I was definitely ready to be done. And glad it was a downhill stretch.

Pretty happy when I thought my time was 38:17 (based on what my iPhone said). Little did I know it was actually 38:00. 

My running buddy, Carol.

The signs Jaclyn and Jenel made for me. They were pretty impressive.

Becoming a Runner

I will run my first 5k race ever in exactly one week. I'd have to say I'm pretty excited but I am even more nervous. I didn't really ever envision myself as a runner up until this year. I started as a vague idea of I should get into better shape and I really only have the time to go running. 

It has been a really unexpected and slightly process. I started by walking to campus, which is about two miles from my house. Then I started running (well jogging at the pace I go) for barely a mile. One day, back in late October, I asked a student, Jenel, if she wanted to go running with me. I was trying to put myself in a vulnerable place, modeling what it looks to be intentionally not in a position of power by doing something I knew she would be better at me in. What was supposed to be just a "teaching moment" turned into something so much more. 

Since then I began the process of running regularly. I even played with the idea of running a 5k. I wasn't committed to it really, just throwing the idea out there. Well I learned quickly to never just "throw" ideas out there in front my students because at least one of them takes hold of it and begins the job of convincing me to just go for it. So in December when I made my 25 goals list I decided to just go for it. I have learned a lot about myself through this process. Some it was obvious and some was surprising. 

1. I really like running (this surprised me the most)
2. I process life best while moving (walking, running, driving)
3. I tend to have a naturally slow pace. I even sprint slowly in comparison to most people
4. I run the best when I can let mind fully wander off. I don't think about how hard it is to breathe or how much my legs hurt
5. I love running with 1-2 other people at most because... 
6. I am really competitive and when running with a lot of people I know I tend to go straight to comparing our performances  
7. I take not doing well (such as having to stop and walk, going slow) really personally and don't like to be bad at things (see number #6). 
8. I tend to not participate at things I'm not good at - which is why I never ran much before 
9. I have to run with music. Audiobooks do not work sadly (I wish they did) 
10. Having a routine made running a lot easier 

I guess all this to say, I'm glad I've gone after this goal and I'm glad it wasn't easy. I'm not sure I'm ready to call myself a runner but I think I'm getting there. We will see where I'm at in one week. 

Running Adventures

Today it was raining. I debated for a while if I should go running or put it off until tomorrow. I decided to brave it and go. It was only sprinkling so I wasn't getting wet really.

Until I managed to step into a giant puddle half way through my run. Literally at the halfway point so there was no point in turning back. I got to enjoy running just under a mile in a wet shoe and soggy sock. That's why I played basketball in school. Indoors and never a chance of wet shoes or soggy socks.

Long Road Ahead

For one of my 25 goals this year, I am going to run a 5K - well actually two - one at the beginning of the year and one towards the end. I have about two months until my first ever 5K race. I don't typically run let alone participate in organized running, but I want to get in better shape this was the easiest to do with my busy schedule.

I was doing pretty well before I left for Urbana, but because of the conference itself and then getting majorly sick right after, I haven't run since late December. I finally started training again and I felt like I wanted to die (or at least stop running and cry). I hope it was due to jumping back in even while I'm still recovering, but I feel like I started over. Not that I have any clue really what I'm doing (ok I have some idea how to train well and there is a plan involved) but it will still feel like a miracle if I pull this 5K off.

I don't really know what the picture has to do with running really, but I feel like I'm the T-Rex here, trying to achieve the possible. And you know, a genie in a bottle wouldn't hurt either.

Goals for Year 25

(updated as of December 12)
When I turned 25 I decided to try and do some things I never have done before or just really wanted to get done this year. I created a list a 25 goals to accomplish by the end of the year. Some were big some where small, some were serious some felt silly and all, but together they made amazing memories.

Look through the blog posts over the past year with the 25 in 25 tag or just peruse through the list to see what I've accomplished in one year alone.

Here we go!

1. Read 25 new books
1. Liesel and Po by Lauren Oliver
2. Healing for Damaged Emotions by David Seamands
3. God Went to Beauty School by Cynthia Rylant
4. Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen
5. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and Other Concerns) by Mindy Kailing
6. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
7. The Distant Hours by Kate Morton
8. Helen of Pasadena by Lian Dolan
9. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed
10. Legal: the First 21 Years by Jonathan Walton
11. The Death of Bees by Lisa O'Donnell
12. Out of Solitude by Henri Nouwen
13. Your Mind's Mission by Greg Jao
14. Far, Far Away by Tom McNeal
15. Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller
16. Who Pooped in the Park by Gary D. Robsen
17. Real Life by James Choung
18. The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven by Sherman Alexie 
19. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Saenz
20. Penguins Hate Stuff by Greg Stones
21. Zombies Hate Stuff by Greg Stones
22. Love is an Orientation by Andrew Marin
23. The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling
24. Little Bee by Chris Cleave
25. Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott
2. Visit 25 new places
1. Snarf's Sandwiches in St. Louis, MO
2. St. Charles, MO
3. Dune Point State Beach in Malibu, CA
4. Old Los Angeles Zoo
5. Saladang in Pasadena, CA
6. Solstice Canyon in Malibu, CA
7. Eurekea Burger in San Luis Obispo, CA
8. Raku Sushi in San Luis Obispo, CA
9. Firestone Walker Brewery in Paso Robles, CA
10. Barrelhouse Brewery in Paso Robles, CA
11. Road to Seoul BBQ in Korea Town, Los Angeles, CA
12. Menchie's Frozen Yogurt in Granada Hills, CA
13. Freddie's Frozen Custard in Bakersfield, CA
14. Zuma Beach in Malibu, CA
15. Neptune's Net in Malibu, CA
16. Salsa and Beer, Van Nuys, CA
17. Runyon Canyon, Hollywood, CA
18. Good Pho You, Granda Hills, CA
19. Zaika Indian Cuisine, Bakersfield, CA
20. Tea Bar, Bakersfield, CA
21. Pike Brewing, Seattle, WA
22. Space Needle/Seattle Center, Seattle, WA
23. Olympia Roasting Coffee Co, Olympia, WA
24. Kalama Burger Bar Inc., Kalama, WA
25. Stumptown Coffee, Portland, OR
26. Golden Road Bewing, Glendale, CA
27. New Delhi Palace, Pasadena CA
28. Saigon Deli, Fresno CA
29. Pizza Factory, Bishop, CA
30. Fraizer Park, CA
31. Forest Home, Ojai, CA
32. Seoul Sausage Company, Santa Monica, CA
33. Blockheads Shavery, Santa Monica, CA
34. Sweet Snow, Northridge, CA
35. Reality LA Church
36. Flour + Tea, Pasadena CA
3. Meet 25 new people that are not work related: I need to know their name, where they are from, and where they are going.
1. Older couple on metro (great story)
2. Norrette from H.O.P.E.'s House
3. Pastor Chuck and Pastor Dre from H.O.P.E.'s House
4. Carol - my racing friend from Downtown Dash
5. Toro, my roommate's guitar playing friend
6. Angela, a woman who lives in our apartment complex
7. Monica, from H.O.P.E.'s House (lots of new church friends)
8. Damon from the 168 Film Contest I helped out at
9. Kristina from the 168 Film Contest I helped out at 
10. Kokeb Shi, Sol's Friend
11. Randi, Jenel's Friend
12. Marshall and Alexander - the bagpipe players at the warf
13. Anna, the waitress at Marche in Seattle who got us onto the hotel rooftop
14. Lisa, the woman from the doughnut shop in Seattle (it was her birthday)
15. Austin from Tennessee - attending the WDS conference/Voodoo Doughnuts 
16. Nate also from Tennessee - attending the WDS conference/Voodoo Doughnuts 
17. Jonathan too from Tennessee - attending the WDS conference/Voodoo Doughnuts 
18. Katie at Chris and Jane's wedding
19. Beth at Chris and Jane's wedding
20. Mike from A Night of Scenes at H.O.P.E.'s House
21. Brandon from A Night of Scenes at H.O.P.E.'s House
22. Shannon, family friend, Jacob's, girlfriend
23. Mac, family friend, Jessica's, boyfriend
24. James from Texas, serving the Global Intern Trek food
25. Beth from The Toloumne Lodge 
26. Reality LA - Encino Community Group
4. Lose 25 lbs 
1. Finished on April 1st
5. Get rid of 25 things that I don't need
1. 12 items of clothing
2. The four boxes donated to the Girl's House Garage sale that probably had 50 items in it
6. Actually try 25 things on my Pintrest boards
1. Pencil Poles
2. Chipotle Pesto Pasta
3. Alphabet Pilates
4. Valentine's Day Cake Cookies
5. Standing Abs workout 
6. Chalkboard mirror 
7. Couch to 5k
8. Instagram Bookmarks
9. Mini corn dog muffins
10. Must-Have Apps for Writers
11. Rolo Stuff Ritz Crackers
12. Modern Wall Art
13. The Pizzadilla
14. At Home Speakers
15. Coffee ice cubs
16. How to Tie a Long Scarf
17. Top 10 Songs for Running
18. 200 Running Songs
19. Easy Mac and Cheese
20. Pitch Perfect Drinking Game
21. Fitness at Home
22. Sharpie Mugs 1 (I did 18 of these so I'd count them as 4 items) 
23. Sharpie Mugs 2 
24. Sharpie Mugs 3
25. 30 Day Push Up Challenge
7. Write 25 handwritten letters
8. Learn to cook 15 new dishes
1. Brownies from scratch
2. Chipotle Pesto Pasta
3. Valentine's Day Cake Cookies
4. Mom's Dump Chili
5. Mini Corn Dog Muffins
6. Rolo Stuffed Ritz Crackers
7. The Pizzadilla
8. Turkey Sliders
9. Chicken Salad Sandwiches
10. Corn and Black Bean Salad
11. Cofee Ice Cubes
12. Easy Homemade Mac and Cheese
9. Get coffee/tea/ice cream/etc. with 15 old friends
1. Frozen yogurt with Maise 
2. Coffee with Noemi
3. LA Adventure with Melody
4. Burgers with Meghan
5. Sushi with Nene
6. Smoothies and Beach with Nicole
7. Twinship Adventure Time with Sol
8. CSUN Tour with Yi-ki
9. Hike with Sarah A
10. Pizza with Meg
11. Get Shaved with Justin
12. Corner Bakery with Peter
13. Lunch with Kathy
14. Lunch and laundry with Christina
15. Denny's with Lengyel, Brendan, and Nate (and many others)
10. Physically record 10 family stories
1. No Pants
2. Mom
3. Dad
11. Memorize 10 passages of scripture
1. Proverbs 3:5-6
2. Philippians 4:4-7 
3. 1 John 1:9
4. Luke 4:18-19
5. Isaiah 61:1-3
6. Psalm 103:1-5
7. Psalm 40:1-3
8. 1 Peter 1:3-7
9. Philippians 4:12-13
10. Ezekiel 11:19-20
12. Find 10 new musical artists (or new albums) and recommend them to someone else 
1. JJ Heller - Loved 
2. Pentatonix - Radioactive (Imagine Dragons Cover)
3. Lindsey Sterling
4. Sara Bareilles - Brave
5. Ólafur Arnalds - Old Skin
6. Todderick Hall - Wizard of Ahhhs 
7. Birdy - Skinny Love and The District Sleeps
8. Ylvis - What Does the Fox Say and What's the Meaning of Stonehedge
9. The Head and the Heart
10. Beta Radio
13. Watch 10 movies I can't believe I haven't seen yet
1. Jumanji
2. The Hobbit
3. Butter (after watching it, I can't believe I hadn't seen - so good!)
4. Family Weekend (same deal as Butter)
5. 50/50
6. The Breakfast Club
7. The Amazing Spiderman
8. Fast and Furious: Toyoko Drift
9. Fast Five 
10. Fast and Furious Six
14. Give up 4 bad habits - turns out I focused more on developing new habits 
1. Gained - gratitude 
2. Gained - writing consistently 
3. Gained - consistant prayer times 
4. Gained - taking space for myself 
15. Run 2 5K's 
1. Glendale Downtown Dash
2. No official 5k but have run 3.2 miles several times since 
16. Blog once a week
1. January - success!
2. February - finished!
3. March - almost didn't make but pulled through at the end
4. April - completed!
5. May - done with!
6. June - accomplished!
7. July - win!
8. August - literally once a week and that's it
9. September - a struggle (NSO got the best of me)
10. October - not totally
11. November - thankfully yes :) 
12. December - will be done
17. Blog in another language (probably Spanish, maybe Italian)
1. Espanol 
18. Learn to drive a stick shift
19. Create a piece of art to frame
1. Modern Wall Art
20. Learn a new skill
1. Really wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument, but I learned how to do push-ups better and I'd say that's a pretty sweet new skill. 
21. Begin to learn another language (Spanish, Italian, and ASL are my top 3 to choose from now)
1. Practicing my ASL while at work. I have half of the alphabet down and a few words. It's a work in progress. 
22. Write something and send it to be published
1. Working on the poetry skills
2. Working on a book idea... possible portion here. 
23. Go out dancing
1. Had a dance party at Exponential and I busted a move or two
24. Write a song
1. Green Christmas
25. Face a fear
1. Heights Part 1: Standing on a cliff's ledge
2. Heights Part 2: Going up the Space Needle

Running (30 Days of Gratitude)

I never thought I would actually say that. I hated running all my life before this year. I had to run a cross country race in both 7th and 8th grade as a part of being on the basketball team and each time I wanted to just fall over and die. Apparently I've moved beyond that and maybe I just miss playing sports, being active. But I've been really grateful for the chance to run in my neighbor and on campus (although I feel like I get the weird looks of why I'm not at the SRC running and I want to have a giant sign that says I'm not a student, ask me more about when I don't run past you and when I'm not out of breath - but that's another story).

I am really thankful that I am actually having motivation to run because it is healthy, obviously, but it helps me feel like I'm doing something. I'm in a season of extreme processing - that means a lot of journaling, thinking, talking, and writing - what it doesn't mean (just yet) is a lot of action. Running helps me feel like I'm going somewhere and that I am doing something. I feel focused and energized and it gives me new spirit and vision when I could easily be bogged down by everything that could be going wrong.

And then I think I should run like Phoebe. "Did you ever run so fast you though your legs were going to fall off, like when you are running to the swings, or running away from Satan... the neighbor's dog."