Sam the Wise

I am working on Urbana reflections. Like any conference there is much to process. But since Urbana tends to be full of more than I expect and physically exhausting it is usually difficult to process anything in a timely manner. And then writing about seemed doubly hard.

So I watched Lord of the Rings instead. I was reminded of how much I love the character Sam. Sam reminds me of my best friend Sol. They are always there for those who need them, no matter the cost. Even as Sam watches what the ring is doing to Frodo, even as Frodo turns from Sam, even as others don't believe in him, he stays by Frodo's side until the very end.

It's because he believes in something worth holding onto.

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

2015 had a lot of rough moments for me and for our world. There were a lot of times when we just couldn't see the good in the world. But Sam here reminds me that there is a reason to not give and keep going - that there is good in the world worth fighting for.

I hope that in 2016 it is marked by a year of holding onto the good - holding onto the goodness of Jesus and fighting for it. There are many places in our world who don't see it or feel void of it. It's not a call to avoid those places but to go into them and bring hope and God's goodness into them. It's difficult and as Sam says there are a lot of chances to turn back but we don't because we hold onto that God is good throughout it all.

Intentionality (30 Days of Gratitude)

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 19

At Urbana 15 I get to help plan for and host the MENA (Middle Eastern North African Lounge). It's brand new and while I'm learning about my own identity as a Lebanese German Italian (sort of) Irish woman it feels a little intimidating to be on the planning team for an Urbana Lounge. But I'm immensely grateful for Layla, who reached out to me personally in addition to a group mass email (shows the power of individual emails). I'm excited to be hosting MENA students but also to be diving deeper into my identity as a multiracial person and a Lebanese person. I'm grateful for the intentional spaces InterVarsity provides for students to connect to their ethnic background and heritage. I'm grateful they are giving more spaces to more types of students to feel at home and welcome in a conference that may feel overwhelmingly white culture. But to have people in all aspects of the conference be thinking about how to celebrate and welcome all nations and all people feels so great to me. And what a picture of the gospel.

Worship (30 Days of Gratitude)

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 6

"Next to the Word of God, music deserves the highest praise. The gift of language combined with the gift of song was given to man that he should proclaim the Word of God through Music." - Martin Luther. 

Tonight I sat in on the Urbana 15 worship open rehearsal. We were invited to participate in the stories of worship - the stories of different cultures, different histories, different perspectives. We were invited to step into these stories; stories that crossed borders and languages.

Worship, musical worship, is a beautiful way to connect to the spirit moving within us. Sometimes the noises of life are so loud it's hard to focus ourselves on the movements of Jesus in the world. Even as we engage in scripture, theological conversations, or what not, our minds are so overwhelmed with thought that we often miss the supernatural spirit moving within us. I'm all for intellectual pursuits, especially through scripture. I studied English literature in college and so I greatly value the study of scripture. But it's not the only way to experience God.

Musical worship allows me to transcend my own experiences and tap into something greater. I can transcend into stories of people and cultures I many never know. I am given an opportunity to connect with the persecuted church as we sing songs that ask Jesus for strength to follow him through the terror, the death, and the torture. I am given an opportunity to connect with the Black American church who is experiencing a reality different from the White American church today. I am given an opportunity to connect with the story of slavery, the story of #blacklivesmatter, the story of reconciliation and a cry for justice. I am given an opportunity to connect with the immigrant experience in a foreign land. I am given a chance to connect with people who are not my own and cultures not my own but that are so dearly precious to Jesus.

It's also a way for me to connect with the greater story of God and the Spirit moving inside me. When I step into worship I can let myself go for a moment. I can step into a place of hope when I may feel there is none, I can cry out to God from a depth in my soul that I may not be able to reach with my intellect. I can be a truer version of myself when I'm free to worship the Lord.

Because in worship - that's what I find - freedom. Freedom to laugh without fear of the future, freedom to cry out for God to save his people, freedom to be hopeful, freedom to cry for justice, and freedom to be.