Mom (30 Days of Gratitude)

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 18

Here are some reasons I love my mother:

- She always finds me the best dresses. I don't know how she does it because it looks awful on the hanger but then put it on me and it looks great.
- She doesn't mind my ramble talking. I can talk fast - especially when excited - and she can totally keep up.
- She instilled both a love of camping and a love of reading in me at a young age.
- She will invite me to random adventures like planning out a photo scavenger hunt for students at a museum.
- She makes me dinner. Even as an adult.
- She treats me like an adult. She talks to me in a different way now that I'm almost 28. She treats me with respect but also is fully willing and able to tell me if I'm talking too loud in a public place.
- She cares about what I do, asks about me and about particular students. She has gotten to know them a little and cares about them in a unique way.
- She supports me, lets me call her and cry on the phone, and lets me talk when I'm trying to fill time while driving, or to ask where in Target I could find that thing I need.

Lake Tahoe

This has been a summer of travel for sure. Here are some pictures from my family's trip to Lake Tahoe. 

Who Am I: Part 1 (Growing Up Color Blind)

I have to admit I'm nervous to write this. Even as I deeply care about race, ethnicity, culture, and reconciliation I have not written much about it. It scares me to put thoughts to words to paper because what if they aren't received well. What if I don't make sense? What if is too controversial?

But I've recently felt the need to share certain parts of my journey and my story through this. I have not figured it all by any means. These are snapshots of my own journey through race and ethnicity and reconciliation. I knew I needed to write about my journey in discovering who I am as a multi-ethnic woman of God and hopefully this will encourage you to share your stories with me. Because as much as I want to share my own life, I want to hear of yours as well.

So here we go.

Who Am I - Part 1

Growing Up Color Bind 

Sometimes I wonder what to call myself. Ethnically speaking. Am I white? I look white. Well I look more peach like but that's beside the point. I mean look at that face. Looks white American to me I suppose.

My dad is Italian and Lebanese and my mom German and English and wee bit of Irish (at least I think she is). So what do I call myself? Western European American? Middle Eastern American? Just American? Italian/German/Lebanese/PlusSomeOtherStuff American? Growing up it was never really a question for me. I just guessed I was a white culture kid and since I fit into that category it felt fine to explore nothing more about it.

It was until a few years ago, at an InterVarsity conference where they were asking for the ethnic breakdown of the attendees and there was a check box for Middle Eastern and I found myself suddenly stumped. Because for the first time I could remember I suddenly could check 3 boxes - White, Middle Eastern, and Multi-Racial. This started a whole new reflective journey on who I was the I thought I was coming to and end in.

But lets go back to my childhood. Growing up I was definitely color blind. I knew things like race and ethnicity existed but I didn't know what they mean or why they were significant. I lived in a diverse neighborhood but went to rather homogeneous schools. It wasn't until college did I see how race and ethnicity really play out in our society (I'll get more to how my view on race and privilege changed next week).

Race and ethnicity was never talked about at home. Especially my own. I knew I was white because of my blond hair and blue eyes. I don't remember knowing I was Lebanese when I was child. I knew I was Italian mostly because of my last name. I guessed I was German because my grandparents name sounded German. But when it came to my culture and heritage, I knew next to nothing about it. I don't think it was my parents fault or even they purposely did so. In fact I feel just the opposite. I feel there were many factors both in our family and in society that lead to my heritage-ignorance.

Societal pressure to conform
My father's side more recently immigrated to the US so I'll focus on them. Both my grandparents were first generation Americans. My grandfather's Ermieta (but he was called Amos) was born in New Jersey but his parents had immigrated from Italy. They were Roman, spoke Italian at home, and yes had family in the mafia. My grandmother, Helen, was born in Iowa after her parents immigrated there from Lebanon. They worked at a family restaurant/nightclub/banquet. My grandmother spoke English, Arabic, and later ASL (as she had a degenerative hearing condition). (Of course I knew none of this until I was in college).

When my grandfather and grandmother met and later moved to South Dakota they had 4 kids (my father, my aunt, and one of my uncles pictured below) who then were half Lebanese and half Italian.

But that was rarely talked about at home. For they lived in a time where it was ideal to be a part of mainstream white culture. Instead of focusing on our cultural differences, it as ideal to assimilate into white America. And my family did just that. They stopped speaking their heart languages, they slowly stopped some of the cultural traditions, and began to assimilate into a midwest American culture instead. The languages lost, the heritages lost, and few things remained. They confirmed to fit in because of pressure to be just like everyone else. If parts of their lives didn't appear "American" enough, they were hidden so that even two generations later it was forgotten.

Generations of Family Brokenness
But it wasn't just societal pressure that caused a distance from their heritage and culture. Our family brokenness itself caused distance from each other.

My grandfather was hardened by the Depression and that created somewhat hurtful relationships with his children over time. While there has since been reconciliation, there was hurt growing up. My grandmother died from cancer when my father was only 19 causing a more tension between him and his father. They had years of distance, anger, and hurt. My father even moved out to California in part because he was hurting from his mother's death and wanted to be away from his father. Because of this distance both emotionally and physically, I was unable to learn much of my own cultural heritage from this side of the family.

My own immediate family carries its own brokenness as well. My parents split when I was 8 years old so passing on ethnic heritage and traditions became a second priority. The focus then became for my mother simply raising us and my father re-establishing a relationship with us after the hurt we felt. It was more about navigating a divorced family rather than passing on cultural traditions. Not that I blame my parents, far from it. I would have done the same. But because of family brokenness their priorities changed. It was just another unfortunate circumstance that lead to a greater distance between myself and my own family heritage.

Because of generational brokenness from within our family and societal brokenness the fact I was Lebanese or Italian or German or anything else easily got lost. For so long growing up I felt I had no culture because one wasn't talked about at home. I felt lost, like there were parts of me I didn't understand. Parts of me that didn't fully identify with all of white culture. And it wasn't until I started culture that some of those parts came to light.

Next week: Who Am I Part 2: White Privilege and Shame 

Yosemite National Park

Highlights from our family's Glen Aulin Hike and Yosemite trip: 

Friendsgiving (30 Days of Gratitude)

Today I am thankful for a Friendsgiving - complete with early morning grocery store run, pan dulce, watching Friends, cooking a delicious chicken with mac and cheese, stuffing, and potatoes, spending time with the Twin, and enjoying one of my favorite cities.

Listening to 90's music while we cook, enjoying each other's company, enjoying the fruits of our labor and now watching Pitch Perfect after a post-food coma deliciousness.

I'm thankful for food, friendship, and fun.

Dad (30 Days of Gratitude)

Today is my dad's birthday so today I am thankful for my dad.

I'm thankful for a dad, who despite his mistakes, has always loved both me and my sister. I'm thankful for a dad who was around, who did want to be a part of my life, and who didn't leave us forever. I'm thankful for a dad who puts his daughters above everyone else and who would do anything for them.

I'm thankful for what my dad has taught me - how to open my home and my life to others, how to be devoted to a job and a passion, how to bring others together over food, and how to give of yourself to others around you.

I love you dad. Happy birthday.

Mom (30 Days of Gratitude)

Today I am thankful for my mom. She surprises me sometimes with hiking adventures, lunches, books, and extra gifts I don't ever ask for. She's probably the strongest most capable woman I know who can both gently pull a child's loose tooth and fix most broken things around our house. She's so patient because she has a classroom full of 10 years olds and had me as a daughter and I most definitely a handful. She still comforts me when I'm upset or sick, will still read out loud to me if I ask her to, and will always cook me dinner when I need it.

I am inspired by her willingness to sacrifice for her friends and family, her passion for her work and faith, and for desire to stand up for herself and for others. She is tenacious and I hope to be like her when I am a mother. Thank you for encouraging me, for challenging me, for pushing me to always to do my best, and for telling me to follow my dreams. I love you mom.

No Pants

This is a part of my family stories recording for my 25 in 25 post:

Growing up my family would camping about 2-3 times a year. Our favorite spots were Dohney Beach near Laguna Hills and Yosemite National Park. Every August we would travel to Yosemite to spend a week hiking, reading, and watching the sun set in the meadow. One of my mother's favorite hike was up the Toloumne River, where we would hike for about a mile, stop by a bridge, eat our snacks and if we were brave enough we'd put our feet in the water.

On one such time up the river, around when I was 10 or 11, I became a little more adventurous. I wanted to walk across the river, prove that I was adult enough to make it across without getting wet.

Of course I wasn't. Not only did I get my shorts wet, I managed to slip on the rocks and sit butt first down in the river. I was soaked up to my waist and had a mile to hike back to the camp sight. I cried in tears at the thought of walking back in wet pants so my mother went running down the trail to get me a new pair. Unfortunately, I had significantly calmed down by the time she returned, and even managed to start heading back on the trail.

To this day my mom never lets me forget the fact that I fell in the river, and even as a 25 year, I will wade in the water and she will still tell me to be careful. And that she is not heading back to get me new pants if I get wet - that is how I will have to walk back. Fortunately I haven't fallen in since.

Family Style

The way you eat your food says a lot about you. I saw this most clearly when I went to Thai food with two of my students, Mark and Sarena, and Sarena's parents and younger sister.

When we go to Saladang (one of the best Thai places I've ever experienced - can't wait to go there a second time), I was almost surprised when Sarena's parents began to order family style to share with the whole table. Normally when I go out to eat with friends, we typically get our own meal. I actually prefer to eat family style because I'm often indecisive and I like to have a little bit of everything. I also enjoy it because it bonds a group together in simple, yet oh so profound way. Instead of us being a group of six randomly connected people eating a meal together - we become a unit. We share all the food on the table and thus feel more comfortable to share our lives and our stories with each other.

It is a blessing to eat like this. I wish I could do it all the time. It was such a wonderful and unexpected surprise to be able to bond with the families of my students, to share the ministry in a family setting, and to just be welcomed in by them - into their favorite restaurant and into a bit of their life. It is here I see the value of getting to know the families of my students. We then become a larger community, where the parents of my students can influence and inspire me as I influence and disciple my students. What a wonderful thing to experience.

It's things like this that make me an honorary Latina.

Dad and Daughter Dates (30 Days of Gratitude)

Today I am thankful for the adventures my dad and I took today. We just spend the day hanging out without much thought for where to do go or what to do.

I am thankful for a dad who teaches me the things he knows, whether it be how to properly shoot a gun or how to love people deeply or how to communicate effectively with people.

I am thankful for a dad who blesses me with gifts whether it be a new pair of running shoes or an extra $20 for gas.

I am thankful for a dad who is patient, especially as we sit through dead stop traffic just to go a super late lunch and we know we are both hungry.

I am thankful for a dad who encourages me, whether it be to run that 5K, to follow my heart's desires, to chase after my dreams, or to get the banana split that sounds really delicious.

Family Stories (30 Days of Gratitude)

I am grateful today for family stories. I am grateful we can sit around a table and laugh for hours upon end at the same stories we heard last time we were all together, and a hundred times before that. I am grateful that we are all such good story tellers and love to share our embarrassing moments with each other. I am grateful for the craziness, the laughter, the joy, and the tall tales my family has been telling over the years.

Whether it be the time my mom lit her sweater on fire by reaching over the candle one Thanksgiving, the time I hid in a clothing rack in a store and freaked my mom out, the time my great grandmother pulled off some guy's ear while in a car accident, the time a bear got in the back of my uncle's truck, how my great grandmother changed her name when she was four years old, who later called her husband Bill even though his real name was Owen, how my grandmother was told by her grandmother to move a pile of rocks if ever she said was she was bored (and how my grandma threatened the same to me and my sister), how my uncles had their own file cabinets in the hospital, about the naked man with red shoes that haunted the orange groves near my mother's house, the time I slid through gravel and my mom had to pull the rocks out of my hand, or when I fell face first onto the mall floor and chipped my two front teeth, or even that time I put a bead up my noise and I never found it.

I love my family's stories, they prove we are really crazy and talk way too much.

Separate

One of the disadvantages of our globalized community is that your best friend may life almost 300 miles away.

Why Jesus would you draw us so closely to cities that are so far apart?

One Hundred

I have been thinking about this post for quite some time. This marks the historic 100th post of this blog, that I started back in 2011. I began it right after I finished my first ever online blog, Tre. Sei. Cinque, which is Three.Six.Five in Italian. It was my photo a day blog (go ahead, and give it a look see).

So for the 100th post, I have decided to make a list (I really do love lists) of my top 100 things I have done/learned since I started this blog. They are in the order that they come to my mind...

1. Always call a few days in advance to set up the water for your house before you move in. 
2. Pintrest is amazing but can suck you in to hours of time consumption. Be aware.
3. Knowing the weather ahead of time can be your best friend - find a good program to check your daily weather.
4. Take lots of photo adventures with friends.
5. Try to arrange your sickness during breaks and holidays so your mom can take care of you.
6. Kids carry germs. Lots of them. Sanitize and take your vitamins regularly.
7. Performance doesn't mean worth. It is, however, a challenge to believe this of yourself and others.
8. AAA baseball games are amazing and cheaper alternatives to professional games. 
9. Not planning can lead to some fantastic things.
10. Pigeons hold grudges. 
11. Fusion food made look scary but is secretly awesome.
12. Everybody needs a second chance because first impressions aren't always correct.
13. Photography can be such a blessing to others, but mostly to myself.
14. Sandwiches are best done in San Luis Obispo, High Street, Gus's, Konas....
15. Audio books make commutes more than tolerable but enjoyable.
16. The phone is an amazing invention, and I never appreciated it until it became a lifeline to maintain long distance friendships. 
17. Long distance friendships are full of confusion, frustration, and high phone bills. But are also full of God's grace. 
18. Sometimes you have laugh, otherwise you'll cry. But sometimes you just need to cry. 
19. My body will never get used to waking up 5:30 am. 
20. Strength Finder is just as good (if not better) that Myers-Briggs. 
21. Pho 75# 2 is the best Pho place ever. 
22. A child sitting on your lap is better than most expsensive therapy. 
23. Transitions from college to adult is one of the hardest transitions to make. 
24. When looking for a good place to eat, choose a place with the longest line. It probably has the best food. 
25. Joy is not always immediate and sometimes you have try to find it. 
26. The power of the cross is something that we should meditate on daily, not just at easter time. 
27. "She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me,' For she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me."-  Genesis 16:13
28. Memorizing scripture is one of the best things you can do for yourself. 
29. The best things aren't always done in the conventional way. 
30. Entering a contest can't hurt. You could win a car. Or in my case, a snuggie. 
31. There is never not a bad time for scones. 
32. Forgiving others is not a feeling, it's a choice. 
33. No amount of pre-sleep will ever prepare you for the pain of an all-nighter when you are an adult. 
34. Enjoy the local coffee shops, bars, and bookstores. Even if they aren't actually local to you, they are local to someone. 
35. Know how to disarm your smoke detector. And quickly. 
36. Don't eat all sugary foods all day. It will make you feel like a crazy person. To remedy: eat some eggs or something with salt. 
37. Be excited about the small things. And make a get psyched mix if you need help. 
38. When throwing up, aim for the toilet. If you puke in the sink, you will have to clean it up eventually.
39. Despite might what I may wish, my hair will not truly accommodate bangs the way I want them to. 
40. People admire you when you admit your flaws. 
41. It is appropriate to applaud after airport security finally shuts off a 40 minute beeping alarm. Be warned, it may confuse new comers to the terminal. 
42. Even after our teenage years, much to all of our disappointment, people are still driven by the opinions of others. 
43. Cheerleading can make for a surprisingly good musical with the right writers. 
44. Fries are always meant for sharing. Especially fries from The Hat. 
45. When dressing up for Jr. High students, go big or go home. 
46. "Sometimes you have to have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself." - Blue Like Jazz.
47. Keep calm and eat more ice cream. 
48. Money is stressful when you don't have enough. It is even more stressful when you have more than plenty and try to spend it well. You buy more crap that you don't need. 
49. It is still cool to built a fort when you are an adult. 
50. When people don't respond on the phone, it could mean they are listening intently. It could also mean, they are falling asleep. It is always ok to ask if they are still there. 
51. Drinks are complimentary in first class. And the stewardess will look at you weird when you giggle at this. 
52. I am not exempt from hardship just because of my faith in God. (When God Lets you Down.)
53. Take risks. 
54. The Lord is enough and is greater than the things that I lack. 
55. Bing is the new search engine of choice. 
56. Embarrassment lingers for a moment but shame roots itself in deep. If left undealt with, it becomes a part of your identity. 
57. Be extra nice to people who serve you (waitresses, cleaning crews, stewardesses, etc) because then they will go out of their way to help you. 
58. Sometimes the place you want to be the least is right where you are supposed to be. 
59. Stage Manager should really be Stage Mother. 
60. Want to make actors work better and stay on task - feed them.
61. "The miracle of grace is not that God stops the storms of life. The miracle of grace is that he is willing to stay in the boat with us during the storms of life." - When God Lets you Down.  
62. Our anger is often misplaced, not at the one who is absent, but at the one who is present. 
63. If plan "A" doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 
64. You can have more than one favorite student. But NEVER tell them who your favorites actually are. 
65. Celebrate the good years with people who have them. It means that they will celebrate with you when yours finally come around. 
66. At age 25, you don't have to have everything figured out.
67. Don't work for people who make you miserable. The paycheck isn't worth it and you still have time to find the job that you love.
68. There is no need to rush dating and marriage. Spend time maintaining the close friendships of people around you. 
69. When moving to a new place, don't spend all your time church-hopping. Figure out what you must have from a church, what you would like but can live without, and what is not necessary. Pick one that fits the best. No church will be perfect but you need to be in community somewhere. 
70. Counseling is an amazing resource and more people should do it.
71. Practice spiritual disciplines like fasting, memorizing scripture, listening prayer, etc. 
72. Volunteer at places. Many places. 
73. Learn how to cook more than just pasta and Top Ramen. Then learn how to cook eggs other than just scrambled and chicken grilled. 
74. Even the young can start a revolution. 
75. The best way to get to know someone is let them take you to their favorite restaurant or cook their favorite meal. Food bonds people. 
76. Sometimes we need to waste our lives for God and to worship him. 
77. When you shut people out of your life, you are risking that they will take the hint and stay away. Be vulnerable with the people that matter to you. 
78. Dress up and let people compliment your outfits. 
79. Wear clothes you love, no matter what people say about them. 
80. "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him." - Psalm 40: 1-3. 
81. Spend time thinking about all the things in your life that definitely didn't happen by chance. 
82. Staying positive doesn't have to be overly bubbly and pink, but it is seeing that there is more to your situation than the here and now. 
83. People do see you when you sing loudly in the car. But their looks just mean they are jealous they aren't blasting their favorite musical. 
84. No matter how many you seem to buy, bobby pins and hair ties always seem to disappear within minutes of opening them. 
85. There are times when you may have to be in a box of crap. 
86. Looking at something close up can bring revelation. 
87. Clean your oven regularly. And regularly is not once every six months. 
88. It is ok to doubt God. Questioning means you are seeking real answers. Just don't stay in that land forever. Let God answer you. 
89. When making a difficult decision, take a false step into it. Try it on for a while and see how it fits before you commit. 
90. Don't let college students get a hold of your hats. Sometimes you don't get them back. Sometimes they play "keep away" from you as if you were back in elementary school. 
91. Be aware of your expectations. If you are holding tightly to a way something is done, God may want to challenge that. 
92. Visit the places you love frequently. You often don't realize how much you love a place until you can't go there. 
93. When you are in college you can miss a lot of sleep each week. When you become an working adult, even missing a few hours of sleep is a death sentence. 
94. Give yourself into what do you love. Your passion will bless others. 
95. We sometimes need to sit in the reality of our own sin, it makes us realize how amazing and necessary that Jesus redeems us. 
96. Nerf wars are always a great idea. 
97. Always know what time it is when you are having a late night conversation. Being loud at 2am is much different than being loud at 10pm. People generally don't enjoy laughter at 2am. 
98. God's kingdom is an upside down one where the king's throne was a cross, where he uses the incompetent for his purposes, and he redeems rather than condemns
99. Sometimes it is best when we don't totally fit in, when we are an astronaut in a robot invasion. 
100. 100 is a really large number and writing a blog post about 100 things you learned is a much larger feat than anticipated... next time I'll do it after only 50. 

Three Ways You Witnessed Happiness Today (Joy Dare)

Joy Dare Day 16

Being at BJ's with my small group for Joel's birthday. We started the tradition with my small group that on  a person's birthday, we all go to BJ's together to share appetizers. We started with my birthday and continued it with Joel's. It has been great to see our small group bond outside of study every week and the joy we get when we hang out outside of our apartment. I see lot of happiness whenever we spend time together.

The day off. I love days off from school. It is a major gift from God that in January and February we have at least three 3-day weekends. It gives a break in what could be a very grueling schedule after coming back from Christmas break. The change in pace and schedule is so welcome for me and gives me a small breath of fresh of air. I even noticed how my mood increased with this short time off.

My mom having all of us at home. When my dad bought his new house, I moved most of my high school and before stuff into the room he set for me there. Essentially I moved out of my mom's and into my dad's. But I know that it always brings my mom a little more peace when all four of us (herself, myself, my sister, and my stepdad) are sleeping overnight at her house. I can tell that she is happy to have us all at home and I feel very safe when I am there.

Three Ways You Glimpsed the Startling Grace of God (Joy Dare)

Joy Dare Day 14

parents. When I was in high school I seemed to always be frustrated by my parents. I blame that on my stupid teenage self. Even when I was in college I felt many times like I was still treated like I was back in high school. But since I have become an adult and I feel like I am responsible for much more than I want to be, I am realizing how much my parents take care of me. Even now, I see how necessary it is to have your mom help you feel better when you're sick or your dad drive out to meet for lunch on a hard day. It makes me miss them more when I am not around them.

sunshine. I realize now how much weather dictates my mood. At night I am tired, slightly sad sometimes. Cloudy days I feel often depressed. Sunny days I am full of energy. But on days that should be a hard struggle, I am so thankful when God provides a clear sunny day. It reminds me of God's goodness and grace knowing that he can control the weather to improve my own mood.

the gift of touch. I think now I realized how much I liked to be hugged. I see it as a gift from God whenever someone gives me a big hug. While this happened well after Jan. 14th, I saw a friend of a friend who gave me a giant hug knowing that I wasn't going to see my first friend for a while. It was a huge moment of grace for her to hug to me because I don't really know her and on the day I saw I felt very uncomfortable enough about other things. It was amazing to receive that gift of touch.

A Gift that's Sour, a Gift that's Sweet, A Gift that's Just Right (Joy Dare)

Joy Dare Day 10

sour: sour gummy worms left in my freezer. I love sour gummy worms because I used to eat them a lot as a child. Whenever we went to my dad's house we had a routine: go to the video store rent either a) The Big Green or b) Star Wars, go to the grocery store and get sour gummy worms and Archie comics. Somewhere along the line I realized I liked them frozen too.

sweet: my dad being willing to drive 2 hours to just to have dinner with me. My dad has been offering to meet me in San Bernardino for dinner on week nights and it takes him probably two hours of driving there and back. It is an amazing gift to have be willing to sacrifice his schedule and time just to hang out with me.

just right: eating together with friends. Our bible study eats together every week before study. Food is becoming very important to us (many of our outings revolve around food now) and I love to see us be in community together. There is nothing that brings a group of people together more than food. It feels so right.

Three Graces From the People You Love (Joy Dare)

Joy Dare Day 7

My mom spent three days helping me prepare my classroom. She helped me shop, drove out to my school, put a lot of things up for me, even rescheduled a lunch date with a friend just so I would feel comfortable in my own classroom. It has been a hard year teaching and it was amazing to know that my mom was doing all that she could to make it seem better.

Sol and I on the phone is a grace abundantly. Sol lets me call her late at night and talking about serious, nothingness, Friends-ness, and anything else. She listens to my cry, to me laugh, to me repeat the same Friends references over and over again. I wish she was here in person with me more often than not, but I am so thankful that she at least picks up her phone bill. She is also there with the "I know you're scared, don't be scared."

The thoughtfulness that Sarah P. has. This happened a couple days ago but I needed a favor from her and she was unable to do it. In her response to me she didn't just say she couldn't do it but assured me that it was no reflection of our friendship. While that may not seem like a big deal to you, I love that Sarah is always aware of what we talk and process about and applies it to our a friendship. Another long-distance friend that I am still blessed by.

One Gift Old, New, and Blue (Joy Dare)

Joy Dare Day 4

Something Old: my stuffed bear Jimmy (don't ask me why I named him that). I have had had since I was born in fact he was a baby gift for me. And as cheesy as it is to say, when I get really stressed out or sad it is still nice to know that I hug my bear and be reminded of simpler times as a child.

Something New: my iPhone. While it feels where to feel like technology as a gift but I realized how awesome it really is - not just for the cool tech stuff. But I can keep worship music on hand, I can have games to escape when I need a break, it is easier to send text messages to loved ones, and easier to call others while driving and still be legal about it. It has allowed to still be connected to those that don't live near me.

Something(s) Blue: My 3 favorite shirts that me and my twin have. There is the cookies and milk shirt, the Powell's Bookstore shirt, and the Fry-bread Power shirt. These were all amazing finds and every time I wear them I am reminded of my twin, Sol.