The Adventures of KP and Monte Part One

It began on a warm winter day, up in the eden called Carmel, where two friends, arrived just a tad early for a wedding ceremony.

They went exploring, jumping, and singing around the church as they waited patiently.

I was trying to to look inconspicuous. I don't think it worked. 

Melissa: protector of The Spot. Eater of the Ice Cream. Awesome. 

What happens next? Stay tuned to find out.... 

Student Teaching Reflections Week 2

So this is long overdue but here are my reflections from second week of student teaching.

My two classes are the polar opposite of each other. In the first block, my sophomores work hard to distract me, get me off topic, and enjoy having side conversations and any give moment. They are hard to keep focused and sometimes drive me up a wall. I got to my second block, my freshman, I have to pull teeth to get them to say anything. And even when they do speak, they do it so quietly that I have to ask them several times to speak up!

I learned a valuable lesson about communication this week. One of CT’s and I were on separate pages this week. He was under the impression that I would start lead teaching in the middle of the week but I was just going to teach the class under his lesson plan. When we realized that there wasn’t really a lesson plan prepared we had to scramble to get things done. It was the most uncomfortable feeling ever. I don’t like feeling unprepared at all.

It's not as detailed as week one, probably because this is two weeks overdue and I am having a hard time remembering what happened during that week. More updates coming soon.

Psalms

My bible study is going through 1 Samuel and the psalms in order to see how David prayed his way through life. We wrote psalms during study...

Lord, I am tired, exhausted. 

I feel as if my body is made of stone. 

It becomes heavier to move each day. 

There is never enough sleep to get, 

Too much to still do, and never 

Enough time in the day. 

Never enough money in the bank. 

There just never seems to be

Enough. 

It's like my brain is being pulled in

Different directions, stretched too thin. 

I want to sing that all I need is you 

But my body seems to disagree. 

My body and mind are odds with my soul. 

How can these things co-exist and fight 

At the same time. So much trying to rule my life. 

I feel like I've been running for days straight. 

Why must it be so difficult? 

Why does it seem as if there's still not enough. 

Why? Why? Why? 

And I have to hold it all together because that is what everyone else is telling 

Me to do. Keep it together. Be an adult. 

But I really feel as if everything is falling apart. Slowly unraveling. 

Pull the string and the whole sweater comes apart. 

But I know, Lord, that you are enough. 

That you are greater than the things I lack. 

You are the provider and my strength. 

Lord help me to see this, even when sleep and stress 

Cloud my eyes. 

So I lift my eyes up to the hills. 

Know where my help comes from. 

My help, comes from you, my God. 

Maker of heaven and earth. 

When my soul is downcast, I will put my 

Hope in You. 

My savior and my God. 

Student Teaching Reflections: Week One

I just finished my first week at Santa Maria High School where I teach freshman and sophomores and believe me when I say, it feels more like a month has gone by than just a week.

Here is the conclusion that I have come to: teaching is one of the hardest professions that exist. I have now become responsible for at least forty 14-16 year olds in a short time (and when I become a full time teacher it will be more like 120 students). And I'm not even that mature myself but now I must muster every mature and responsible bone in my body to lead these students. What I'm finding the hardest to do is to keep composure in the classroom when my life outside the classroom seems to be a mess. For example, this whole week I've been getting a lot less sleep because of waking up so early and driving and work and Cal Poly classes - it just adds up to a lot of brain space and little restful sleep. Usually when I don't get a lot of sleep I become grumpy and frustrated but the moment I set foot on the high school grounds, I have to put all that aside for a few hours a day. These students look to me, as their teacher, to be a source of stability and consistency that they may or may not have home. I have to be dependable and on point every day because as a teenager, their own lives are crazy enough as it is.

What I've learned in InterVarsity is completely the opposite. I've always been told to be vulnerable and be open and honest with my struggles. It has been very difficult to watch these mind sets come clashing up against one another. Because high school is not InterVarsity and my students are not the audience for my own personal problems. I can be the audience for theirs, but they need not gain extra burdens in their life. It is a balance that I am learning to navigate and will still have to learn years past student teaching. This is where I take a deep breath and I'm thankful for three day weekends to catch up on sleep.

H2O Irony

A Water Haiku:

My house lacks water
The rain pours onside in heaps
I need a bucket

As the Ruin Falls

I just finished my 2010 blog Tre.Sie.Cinque: A Year in Photos where I took a photography journey through 2010. I have decided to continue my blogging journeys into 2011 and beyond. This blog has it focus through on finding the reality in the imaginative and the imaginative in reality. It is a journey of self discovery, pursuing past fear and into the "real world" past high school and college.

The title comes from one of C.S. Lewis's poems titled "As the Ruin Falls" which talks about how sometimes we use overly flashy words to describe things - our love, our fears, our problems. This is my focus for the year to get down to reality. It will be a collection of poems, of photos, of thoughts, of dreams, of whatever else I can find and use to express myself. Enjoy!

As the Ruin Falls

By C.S. Lewis

All this flashy rhetoric about loving

I never had a selfless thought since I was born. 

I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:

I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,

I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin: 

I talk of love -- a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -- 

But, self-imprisioned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught (but how late) my lack

I see the chasm. And everything you are was making

My heart into a bridge by which I might get back

From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains

You give me are more precious that all other gains.

The Return

Post FUI Update 

I’ve been thinking a lot about success since I’ve come home. I’ve had too much time to compare this FUI experience to that of three years ago, too much time to compare myself to how other staff interacted with students and in some cases it’s lead me down some roads I never wanted to travel. In general I think of my FUI experience in terms of successes or failure. I was a good process group leader or I was a bad one, I did well at my site or I did poorly, or I was an excellent housemate or I was a terrible one. With all these definitions of my project it’s been difficult to say what I’ve learned because I’ve been so busy tried to cram my experiences into a “success” or “failure” category.

But perhaps my experiences were just that – experiences. When I think it about it now, it makes a lot of sense. In the second week that I was in Fresno, my new small camera that my mom had purchases for me for graduation was stolen. I loved that little camera because it was something that my mom worked hard to get, I had wanted for a long time to be able to carry around with me (because my giant Nikon takes great pictures but isn’t portable), and was my favorite color (an awesome bonus). But when it was stolen one of the million emotions I went through was being forced to experience this project instead of just observing it.

I have been known to constantly observe life – even when I’m not trying to. It is the artist in me. I not only love photography but I also love writing. But both these forms of art can force me into an observation world, when I should be experiencing life instead.

I liken FUI to centering prayer. For those who don’t know anything about it, it is basically emptying your mind. While it sounds a little mystic the purpose is to step out of our minds because we can spend so much time in them. But the reason I compare FUI to centering prayer is you can’t judge centering prayer. It is not the type of prayer that was either good or bad – but it is something you do. And over time you see results. In many ways my time in Fresno cannot be described as good or bad and over time I will see the reason I spent the whole summer there.

Then I remember the book Theirs is the Kingdom.

“What went wrong? Why did we so miserably fail when our motives, our mission, our plans were all of high quality? Did we not listen carefully enough to God’s Spirit?

Behind my questioning is the subtle heresy that God will prosper any endeavor that is done according to his will. The corollary is that whatever fails was done somehow contrary to his intentions. The error is in the assumption that perfect communion with God assures flawless performance of his will. But neither perfect communion nor flawless performance is possible for human beings.

Success, I’ve learned, has little to do with the performance of God’s will. Sometimes we fail because of our own stupidity or shortsightedness, and we must learn lessons from our mistakes. Sometimes we fail because of someone else’s failure, or because there was too much rain or too little rain. In these cases, there are no corrective lessons to be learned.

Success is not an automatic consequence of obedience. “A righteous man falls seven times and rises again” (Proverbs 24:16).

We have a dependable God who made a trustworthy commitment that no matter what happens – success or failure – he will use it for our ultimate good.”