It's been a while since I've posted a reflection about student teaching and a lot has happened since my last few reflections. Here is what I have been thinking about while I'm student teaching. I hope to look back at these some day and see how far I have come from my initial fears and frustrations. I doubt many of them will change but how I see them may be different.
I have been realizing how strongly I take things personally. When a student doesn't turn in work, has a poor attitude, acts out, or even is just plain disrespectful - I take it as a personal attack on me. It's as if I believe that their behavior is directed towards me and I am the root cause of their misbehavior. I'm not sure if this goes away as a experience enters but I am not sure, for me at least, it will ever leave. I have been like this since I was a bible study leader - I would somewhat take it personally when my study members wouldn't come to study. This can be really hard on a leader/teacher but there are some positive side affects. To get here - I have to put in a lot of energy caring for my students. Because what this means is that I care very much how my students see me, see the class, and see each other. If I didn't care so much then I wouldn't take it so personally when they don't show up.
I'm not sure I fully want these feelings to go away. If they do, I may mean that I'm beginning to become apathetic towards my students' performance and attitudes. But I also don't want to care so much that I become overworked and overwhelmed here. There has got to be a balance instead of swinging from one end of the pendulum to the other. I don't like being on extremes - but then again I guess that is a lot of who I am - I'm not really a middle of the road kind of person. I guess it is something to figure out as I go.
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